Nickname Seeks Player: “Interrobang”

Our ongoing quest, in the manner of a noble knight-errant, is to assign cool nicknames to players rather than indulge in the tired paradigm of assigning cool players nicknames. Before we launch the latest installment, however, a trip through our Hall of Honouur, which is so stately, so regal, so much itself a celebration of the Norman Conquest, that an extra British-English unstressed “u” is required for proper spelling. …

Bad Miracle” – Wily Mo Peña
Captain Black Tobacco” – John Danks
$45 Couch” – Yuniesky Betancourt
Liván Hernández” – Liván Hernández
Frog in the Pot” – Carlos Zambrano
Aqua Velva Man” – Chase Utley
Victorian Sex Rebel” – John Axford
Good, Round Friend” – Prince Fielder
I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass” – Kyle Farnsworth

And the nickname now available for purchase? It’s “Interrobang”!

Denotations, Connotations, Implications, Intimations, and Incriminations:

What, who or why is “Interrobang”? It is the greatest and most neglected of punctuation constructs. It is represented by this: “?!” Or this: “!?” Or, on occasions most special, this:

As you can imagine, the interrobang poses a question — “What?” — followed by an exclamation and or whoop — “Shit, golly!” It is a moment — or a man, or a man and his moments — that is equal parts stupefaction and awe. “Did he just do that? Fuck my idiot face, he just did that!”

Prototypes from Baseball’s Gauzy Past:

Greatness with flair. Greatness in defiance of human limits. Ozzie Smith. Sir Dick Allen. Mike Schmidt. Pedro Martinez. Babe Ruth. Willie Mays. Bob Feller. And it need not be sustained greatness. Bo Jackson. Mark Fidrych. Or the opposite of Rico Brogna.

Guiding, Determinative Query:

What current major-league player should be nicknamed “Interrobang”?!

The convention floor, which is filled with gaping maws and Sans-a-belt slacks pooled around pale, hairy ankles, is open for nominations.




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


60 Responses to “Nickname Seeks Player: “Interrobang””

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  1. FrankTheFunkasaurusRex says:

    Jose Bautista? Every game he does something that will make me go ?!?!?!?!

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  2. TheGrandSlamwich says:

    Tough one. I think I might have to go with Mike Stanton.

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  3. Well-Beered Englishman says:

    Actually, for me “?!” usually occurs as a result of the opposite phenomenon – complete mad-scientist insanity/weirdness/apparent severe brain malfunction. So I’d think of Nyjer Morgan, Milton Bradley, or Tony La Russa.

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  4. Kyle says:

    I’ll go with Stephen Strasburg, because of the way he makes me feel while watching him throw baseballs.

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  5. reillocity says:

    Interrobang sounds more like someone who consistently gives amazing responses to post-game interview questions, as in “Did he really just say that? F*** me.”. Only there wouldn’t be much of a debate as to who that player would be.

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  6. Todd says:

    Carl Everett

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  7. Noel says:

    Eric Sogard. Because when I look at him I think: “He’s a baseball player?!”

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  8. Noel says:

    Can we nominate umpires? If so, Joe West is a total “?!”.

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  9. Adam Nicholas says:

    Jose Constanza for those three weeks when he generated 1 WAR. And then realized he’s not very good.

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  10. Dayn Perry says:

    I’m going to inject myself into the discussion and nominate Adrian Beltre.

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  11. Semi Pro says:

    Stephen Strasburg’s Changeup.

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  12. Jennifer says:

    Eugenio Velez.

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  13. Anon21 says:

    It’s got to be Melky Cabrera, on the strength of this play alone:

    http://www.mlb.com/mlb/gameday/y2010/index.jsp?gid=2010_07_31_atlmlb_cinmlb_1&mode=wrap

    Interrobang is what the cutoff man generated while watching the ball roll into center field.

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  14. MikeS says:

    Alexei Ramirez. Thin as that exclamation point but 15 – 20 HR/year power which is really surprising with that build.

    Defensively that arm of his whips around like the question mark and easily throws out runners from deep in the hole that you never thought he’d get.

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  15. bgrosnick says:

    Daniel Bard. Whenever I see him play, I’m like “!!” or I’m like “??” or I’m like “I?”.

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  16. Luke says:

    Ozzie Guillen.

    I know he’s not a current player but as soon as I saw this he’s all I could think about.

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  17. Scott says:

    Hamilton was away from the game for years and on drugs, then picked up a bat and won the MVP. That doesn’t even make sense.

    Also, Aroldis Chapman makes baseballs move really fast with his arm. Like, super fast.

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  18. steex says:

    I have no useful input on who should have this nickname, but I can do the robot. That’ll be $5000, good day to you.

    On second thought, “Interrobang” sounds decidedly Filipino to me (if you say it with the right inflection). Based on that, I’ll nominate Benny Agbayani.

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  19. TC says:

    Ryan Theriot, if only because he single handedly invented the TOOBLAN, the most “?!” play in baseball

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  20. SAmmy says:

    Chris Davis makes me go ‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽

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  21. Ron Washington says:

    Me

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  22. ettin says:

    Well if you subtract the greatness and the flair, Jeff Mathis’ throw to first base when the runner was stealing second base is a perfect “WTF?!”.

    However if you are talking about flair I think Brandon Phillips might be a good choice with that in-between the legs toss to first base this year.

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  23. Avery says:

    I’d like to support the nomination of Beltre not just on the strength of his bended-knee bombs, but also this:

    http://deadspin.com/5853313/of-bad-mechanics-and-torn-testicles-or-why-i-love-adrian-beltre

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    • Avery says:

      Also, I couldn’t find the video of it, but a few years back Beltre made contact with a pitch that was outside and above his head, looked around trying to find where it had went, and it had cleared the RF fence before he saw it. Then he had to trot around the bases with a bemused expression that seems like it epitomizes the interrobang. Even he doesn’t know what happened half the time he does something amazing.

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  24. ElJosharino says:

    The bang part makes me think of a cannon which makes me think of Gerrado Parra’s arm. The interro part can be someone asking, “Can I beat the throw home?” BANG. No you cannot.

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  25. Greg W says:

    Interrobang was the name of my college newspaper. Only 18 years before I foudn out what it meant.

    And Bartolo Colon, after seeing him light up the gun in the mid 90′s I was like ?!?!?!?, what did they do to this guy? And he’s still so fat!?

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  26. Frank says:

    Vlad. I porbably don’t need to explain to this crowd but I’ll sum up.

    6′ x 8′ Strike zone.
    No Batting Gloves.
    58 foot curveball –>Single
    Frozen Rope Strikes from Right Field.

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  27. Marc Iannacone says:

    I nominate K-Rod.

    His father-in-law asked him a question once, and the answer came back with a bang…(and an exclamation mark)…!

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  28. Anon says:

    Before I read the definition of “Interrobang,” I thought of Tiger Woods. But then I read it and remembered this is baseball. So Shane Victorino for this memorable play just over a month ago.

    http://www.totalprosports.com/2011/10/06/shane-victorino-brings-us-this-outfield-blooper-gif/

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  29. gnomez says:

    Nothing Jason Motte does is subtle. It’s mostly screamy and intense. Like an interrobang.

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