Nickname Seeks Player: Vote on “Big Data”


The nomination process, which was as close to blatantly stealing from one Dayn Perry as I dare get, for he is from Mississippi, probably owns several firearms, and has booby-trapped his house, is now complete. So now comes the part which I both love and fear, the exercise of your franchise. Love, because I enjoy seeing how the teeming, grubby masses abuse the great freedom of the vote that they were mistakenly given, and fear because the results always represent a stumble downward, away from the perfect Eden which the One True God, Mike Trout, wants for us.

And so, it is with trepidation and titillation that I present to you your opportunity to decide which ballplayer, because of his ubiquity and transformative ability, once and forever more,, shall be called “Big Data” behind his back (for who among us is likely to have the prairie oysters to say it to his face?).

Thank you for proving the Founding Fathers wrong.

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Mike Bates used to have a stupid pseudonym. Now he doesn't because people want to pay him to write about baseball on the Internet and he's really a sell out that way. He is also a Designated Columnist at SBNation, co-founder of The Platoon Advantage, and is an American Carpetbagger on Getting Blanked, the finest in Canadian baseball-type sites. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter here:

23 Responses to “Nickname Seeks Player: Vote on “Big Data””

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  1. Ross Ohlendorf needs to be on this list. He graduated from Princeton, his major was Operations Research and Financial Engineering, and his thesis was a sabermetric analysis of the draft.

    +7 Vote -1 Vote +1

    • Mike Bates says:

      Sadly, you did not participate in the nomination process, so your opinion and unwillingness to follow the rules counts no more here than it does in real democratic process.

      +23 Vote -1 Vote +1

      • Vladimir Putin says:

        Yeah, it doesn’t matter whether people get to express their opinion in “democracies.”

        Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Mr. Observant says:

    “Ironic, isn’t it, Common Man? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That’s democracy for you!”
    —Brandon McCarthy

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Mr. Observant says:

    “Big Data – you bet!”

    -Tasha Yar

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. Benjo says:

    Darin Ruf.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. skyjo says:

    PETER BOURJOS! The data is what let’s us know he’s good. Everyone on your list is obviously good. Big Data Bourjos has a nice ring to it. Big Data Ben Zobrist does too. These ballots were stuffed!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. Kirk says:

    Chris Young, Brandon McCarthy.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. atoms says:

    I don’t even know why there’s a debate. It obviously has to be Joey Votto, right?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  8. PDR297 says:

    Brad Ausmus? It just… It feels right to me ya know?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  9. Garys of Olde says:

    Looking for Cashner, voted for Votto.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  10. fly eli and tony plush says:

    Jason Bay. Look into those soulless eyes.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  11. stockhfcrx says:

    I votes for Yadira puig because you didn’t.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  12. nuthin-nice says:

    write in vote: daric barton?
    (nothing about him is particularly big,stature or stats. but it does require a big ass stack of data to figure out how he’s still on a mlb roster.think about it, might stick.) nobody seemed particularly fitting on the list.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  13. InsidetheZona says:

    Joey Votto has to be the guy. Joey “I’m Scarier than You Think” Votto. Joey “You Cannot Hope to Contain All These Good Stats” Votto. Joey “Take All This Data and Choke on It” Votto.

    Joey “Big Data” Votto. Make it happen.

    Vote -1 Vote +1