Nickname Seeks Player: Vote on “Iago’s Balls”

The nomination process, which was a thicket of sexy possibilities, is now complete. In accordance with established standards, empaneled racists have whittled the list down to a manageable ledger of 10, from which you are to choose the one most worthy of the nickname “Iago’s Balls.” Remember: This player is not only evil, like Iago, but also foul-smelling, like Iago’s hairy giggle-beans.

So, those who quarter soldiers in peacetime, you may now cast ballots on who — or what! — should forevermore be nicknamed “Iago’s Balls” …


Thank you for exercising the franchise.




Print This Post

Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
Mike
Guest
Mike

Luke Scott is Iago’s Balls. I was debating between A.J. Pierzynski and Hanley Ramirez, as both share TRAITS with Iago’s Balls. But when I noticed Scott on the list, it became all too clear: Luke Scott IS Iago’s Balls. Iago’s Balls ARE Luke Scott. Luke Scott RESIDES in Iago’s Sack. On this matter, there can be no debate. We must take action to see that Luke Scott and Iago’s Balls become synonymous in the immediate future.

NatsFan73
Member
NatsFan73

Bah! Luke Scott holds political opinions that are at odds with roughly 50% of the country, that doesn’t make him evil. Or smelly :) I’m not aware that he is particularly a jerk or guilty of dirty pool. Unlike, say, Pierzynski or Padilla.

Mike
Guest
Mike

Roughly 50% of the country insists that Barack Obama is a terrorist who wasn’t ‘born here’ and that he ‘hasn’t supplied a birth certificate’ that he has supplied several times? That sucks.

Anyway, he has made a lot of angry comments about a lot of opposing players and fans for the extent of his career. Did you see his beard earlier this year? And he looks like he would smell like Bigfoot’s dick.

I agree Pierzynski seems like Iago’s Balls. But trust me, Luke Scott is Iago’s Balls.

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman

Padilla, Pierzynski, Scott. Hmmm. This requires lengthy contemplation while ensconced upon a rounded white porcelain dais of deliberation: the Seat of Strenuous Cerebral Study, as it were.

dp
Member
dp

I will continue to make the case for Chipper Jones. On the surface, he is less odious than Pierzynski the Red-Ass or Luke Scott the be-muttonchopped assclown of our American nightmares. Consider, however, that the character Iago, and the twin fathers of millions that propelled him to such diabolical ends, would never resort to such overt means of bastardry as the aforementioned players would.

The true evil of Iago’s undoubtedly disease ravaged and obscenely large nads (indeed, the man himself) was that by the time one realized that evil was afoot, it was far too late to undo the damage or visit proper justice upon the wrongdoer. Chipper Jones is just such a man. He, like the nexus of banal evil that is Steve Garvey, is a perennial All-Star who fathered a child with a Hooter’s waitress while married. (A fine accomplishment, no doubt, but the accomplishment of a scoundrel nonetheless) He is a man who named one of his progeny solely to troll the fanbase of the team he tormented most. He hails from Deland, Florida, a cesspool of swamp-rot, trailer parks, and the detritus of greater Daytona so foul and unrelentingly awful that the only way one could emerge was to be as dank and foul as the testicles of Iago himself. Also, he bears no little resemblance to a besacked nut himself, the egg-shaped sagging blob of a face terminating in a scraggly patch of hair designed to draw attention from his even-expanding double chin.

Iago’s Balls. Larry “Chipper” Jones II. It has been foretold.

eckmuhl
Member
eckmuhl

Iago’s Balls are evil incarnate. For it was the Ball’s of Iago that allowed him to commit such vile treachery. The betrayal was without motivation other than his huge Balls told him it could be done. Iago’s Balls were the means. A man with lesser Balls would never have attempted such a crime. Thus, in essence, his Balls were more diabolically evil than the man. As to whom on the list best fits that mold, I cannot tell. But let these ruminations guide you to a proper conclusion.

Navin Vaswani
Editor

Love that photo of Cistulli in his natural habitat.

I voted A.J.

dockmarm
Guest
dockmarm

I am severely disappointed that every poll choice was not A.J. Pierzynski.

Jack
Guest
Jack

Vincent Padilla looks like Iago’s balls, but isn’t evil enough to deserve this.
Luke Scott has the evil part down, but doesn’t look the part.

If AJ Pierzynski is selected, when ever I see the GIF of Michael Barrett punching him, I not only get to celebrate the pain of the most evil current MLB player, but also the pain of the most evil literature character of all time. Win-Win

Bryz
Guest

Padilla used to drill opposing players on purpose for fun. How is that not evil enough?

Eminor3rd
Member
Eminor3rd

Guys, LOOK at Vincente Padilla’s face! THAT’S IT!

If you didn’t hate him before, don’t you hate him now that you’ve looked at his face?

Bryz
Guest

I agree. If it wasn’t for Hideki Irabu, I’d swear that Steinbrenner’s “fat, pussy toad” comment was directed at Padilla.

MikeS
Guest
MikeS

As I said when the poll was announced, can’t we just give it AJ and then go home early?

deadhead
Member
deadhead

I bet Delmon Young is pissed that he’s on the same list (it ain’t Schindler’s) as Youk. I wrote in Bob Costas.

Erik Archer
Guest

Hmm, Delmon’s a tool, Padilla’s a dirt bag, and Hanley’s a motherfucker. I’ll be up all night sorting this out.

DodgersKingsoftheGalaxy
Guest
DodgersKingsoftheGalaxy

No idea what’s going on…

Steve Balboni
Guest

They’re trying to bename a player in honor of Iago the Parrot, voiced by Gilbert Gottfried in the movie Aladdin.

bstar
Guest
bstar

CHIPPER JONES????? whuuuuuuuuut?

Sophist
Guest
Sophist

I suppose this is limited to players only, but when you mention evil incarnate, one baseball name comes to mind: Tony Larussa

Jimbo69
Guest
Jimbo69

I have to admit I hadn’t seen what Chipper Jones actually looks like recently. Now having seen him waddle around during the all star game, it has become very apparent that his face does in fact closely resemble the ball sack of an approximately 80 year old man

wpDiscuz