Nicknames Besides “Mr. October” That Ought to Be Retired

When Rob Neyer says “jump,” the present author is compelled to inquire as to which altitude might most satisfy him. And when Rob Neyer suggests by way of social media that Reggie Jackson’s nickname ought to be retired, the author says, “Hear, hear” — and whatever is the equivalent of “hear, hear” in at least three or four of the Romance languages.

What else the author says is: “There are other nicknames that ought to be retired, as well.” Nicknames like the following, for example, which are entirely authentic and not just produced by pairing randomly generated player pages from Baseball Reference with choice phrases from Yelp reviews.

1. Neil “Bacon Dust” Allen

2. Rick “Dr. Wong” Ankiel

3. Bret “Liar Boyfriend” Barberie

4. Hank “4-D Action” Boney

5. Lou “Swizzle Sizzle” Gehrig

6. Frank “Cadillac Taco” Howard

7. Miller “Construction Junk” Huggins

8. Ben “Fast and Clean” Revere

9. Gary “Pro Muscles” Varsho

10. Donnie “Confident, Rhythmic Hands” Veal

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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.

7 Responses to “Nicknames Besides “Mr. October” That Ought to Be Retired”

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  1. Brian says:

    I propose that we start calling Ben Revere Fast and Clean. That has to be the greatest nickname ever.

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  2. BenRevereDoesSteroids says:

    I think the more urgent matter is bringing back Edward Sylvester Nolan’s nickname. It was “The Only” Nolan.

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  3. Carson says:

    Please add Willie “The Ignitor” Bloomquist to the list.

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  4. triple_r says:

    I believe a Mr. T. S. Stark already has a copyright on #5. Mr. Gehrig’s descendants should expect an infringement suit.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. 4-D Action only played in three games… Or just three games in our dimension……………………………………………………….

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  6. Resolution says:

    Don’t forget Bronson ‘Saturn Nuts’ Arroyo!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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