NotGraphantasy Draft: The Woodrum Whiteys Roster

Woodrum Whiteys logo

Robert Bauman introduced it, I’ma start it. A NotGraphs crew including myself, Carson Cistulli, Robert J. Baumann, Jeremy Blachman, David G. Temple, Mike Bates, Patrick Dubuque, Navin Vaswani, and Eno Sarris drafted teams we considered to embody the NotGraphs spirit (and then also possibly win an a no-holds-barred, not-previously-delineated-rules-wise fantasy season).

Without further ado, I present the Woodrum Whiteys!

Role Player
C Moe Berg
1B Eddie Gaedel
2B Yuniesky Betancourt
SS Munenori Kawasaki
3B Jackie Robinson
OF Domingo Ayala (YouTube)
OF Josh Reddick
OF Jayson Werth
SP Mordecai Brown
SP Old Hoss Radbourn (Twitter)
RP Rollie Fingers
GM Rube Foster (Wikipedia)
M George Knox (manager) / (Danny Glover)
Home Park Koshien Stadium

Follow the jump to see my notes from the draft.

Here, uncut, untested, and only mildly formatted are my selection notes from the draft:


WITH THE FIRST OVERALL SELECTION IN THE 2013 NOTGRAPHANTASY DRAFT, THE WOODRUM WOODIES SELECT

“Three Finger” Mordecai Peter Centennial “Miner” Brown

FROM A COAL MINE IN NYESVILLE, INDIANA.


I’m very sad to have missed out on the three most talented players in MLB history, [redacted], [redacted], and [redacted]. But I am excited about my next two picks as they were also high on my Big Board.

With my second pick in the 2013 NotGraphantasy Draft, the Woodrum B-Rads select:

Charley “Old Hoss” Radbourn

We expect to get 300 IP out of Three Finger Brown and at least 600 IP out of Old Hoss; plus Radbourn is a prolific posthumous tweeter, so we think he brings a certain panache and syphilis to the clubhouse.

With our third pick, we select the only shortstop on our board, and the only shortstop we feel worthy of this draft:

Munenori Kawasaki

He has gold-glove defense and gold-glove defense. His personality makes him a natural fit for our overly syphilitic clubhouse and our stringent team facial hair policy means we should expect to see his Creeper Mustache on the field within days.

Back to the Italian [Carson Cistulli].


The Woodrum American-Mutts select:

Domingo Ayala, OF (it’s God-given)

Ayala is a four-time home run champ, a superb left-fielder who can also play shortstop at the same time, and an expert intentional walk recipient.

With our Round 5 selection, the Woodrum A-Ms select:

Moe Berg, C/spy

We are excited to have Berg catching for us, not only because his career 48 wRC+ means he has to be great at fielding, but also because he probably carries a secret gun inside his tooth or something. This will be especially useful for charging the mound.

Back to Cistulli.


With the No. 6 selection of the Woodrum Woodbutts, we select:

Eddie Gaedel, kinda first baseman; 1.000 OBP, 1.000 OPS

And with our No. 7 selection:

Rollie Fingers, closer / facial hair

Nerdz,

-B


[SIDE NOTE: the following email does not contain a draft pick, but rather a necessary note against the draft creator, Robert Bauman.]

Okay, so only Baumann remains in the fiction pool of baseball talent. BAUMANN, IT’S UP TO YOU TO SELECT EDWARD FROM TWILIGHT. YOU HAVE TO DO IT.


I’m in big need of outfield help, since Domingo Ayala only has a mustache. That is why the Woodrum Drums are selected

Josh Reddick, OF / beard

and

Jayson Werth, OF / beard


I realize this puts the position flexibility rules to the test, but…

Jackie Robinson, third baseman / second baseman

Jackie — the real one, not the shitty movie one — will be the Woodrum Whities’ primary third baseman. Robinson actually played 256 games at third base in the MLB. But here’s where things get crazy…

Yuniesky Betancourt, second baseman / GIF-machine

With a keystone pair of Munenori Kawasaki and Yuniesky Betancourt, the Whities’ will not only have the most difficult-to-spell middle infield, but will also lead the league in hot, steaming, steaming-hot GIFs — both intentional (Kawasaki) and tragical (Betancourt).

Cardawg, Esq., the pick is yours.


The Woodrum Fuzzy Kittens select:

George Knox, skeptical manager, as portrayed by Danny Glover in Angels in the Outfield

and for an iconic stadium, the FK’s choose:

Koshien Stadium in Nishinomiya, Hyōgo Prefecture, Japan, home of Japan’s highest high school baseball tournament, home of my beloved Hanshin Tigers, home to the iconic clay infield, and home, most importantly, to many of the best windups in videogame history:


RUBE FOSTER, y’all, GM EXTRAORDINAIRE AND NEGRO LEAGUES FOUNDER.

Rube-foster

[END DRAFT NOTES]


Selection Order:

  Woodrum
1 “Three Finger” Mordecai Peter Centennial “Miner” Brown
2 Old Hoss Radborn
3 Munenori Kawasaki
4 Domingo Ayala
5 Moe Berg
6 Eddie Gaedel
7 Rollie Fingers
8 Josh Reddick
9 Jayson Werth
10 Jackie Robinson
11 Yuniesky Betancourt
S1 George Knox (manager) / (Danny Glover)
S2 Koshien Stadium
S3 Rube Foster



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Bradley writes for FanGraphs and The Hardball Times. Follow him on Twitter @BradleyWoodrum.


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