Ode to the Kind, Morbidly Obese Gentleman Next to Me


You and I are

bound by self-same objectives,
one can assume.

Our flight: From MDW to PHX by way of OKC.
“Can I raise this?”
Yes you may.
An armrest between two broad-shoulders
is more a barrier than a rest
and since this is the only
time our arms will ever touch,
why not let them press together, two hams
resting flank against flank for one
hour and forty-five minutes.

And in two days, at an A’s / White Sox game,
I will describe your gas
to interested friends.

This is our only interaction
and unless I am
in OKC or you are
in MDW
and again we somehow twain for another
hour and forty-five minutes,
or maybe side-by-
flank at an A’s / White Sox game,

this will be our last.
Fare thee well.

Image credit.

Print This Post

Bradley writes for FanGraphs and The Hardball Times. Follow him on Twitter @BradleyWoodrum.

Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
james h
james h

A regular Ogden Nash, this one.

Mr. Observant
Mr. Observant

High fructose corn syrup – I’m looking at you…when will your reign of terror end?


I might have been the morbidly obese guy.