Oh Great, Carson Cistulli Broke FranceGraphs FanGraphs

It was only a matter of time, I guess. I bit my tongue because he’s my boss and it seemed harmless and all. But now Carson Cistulli and his francophonic spouse and his francophonic article category have given Google the impression that not only do I speak French, but that I live in Europe and purchase mes voitures with yonder “Euros” currency:

Screenshot 2013-10-07 at 2.53.05 PM

NO. WRONG. I buy my cars not with “Euros,” but “Americas.”

Good. Old fashioned. You. Ess. Dee.

WHAT MORE TROUBLING: The NSA only needs 51% proof of foreignness in order to peruse my emails, download my browsing history, or lock me in the Federal Reserve for 71 months of grueling interrogation.

Moreover, you, the person reading this, have probably just crossed that 51% threshold yourself. More than likely, you’ve read some FranceGraphs, you’ve adopted a Curacaoan name, and you’ve watched Yu Darvish GIFs. Welcome to the 51%, my dear reader.

So: Well done, Carson. You’ve doomed us all.




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Bradley writes for FanGraphs and The Hardball Times. Follow him on Twitter @BradleyWoodrum.

9 Responses to “Oh Great, Carson Cistulli Broke FranceGraphs FanGraphs”

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  1. Well-Beered Englishman says:

    I recently spent a few days in Morocco hanging out with bearded Muslim guys.

    You lot are already in the NSA’s sights.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Resolution says:

    The upshot: You get to hang out with Mark Wahlberg in the Federal Reserve!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. MikeS says:

    Don;t be silly. The NSA can peruse your emails, download your browsing history, or lock you in the Federal Reserve for 71 months of grueling interrogation with far less evidence than 51% foreign browsing.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. Brad Johnson says:

    I thought the Federal Reserve was where the president and vice president went hunting.

    Edit: oh silly me, that’s the Federal PREserve.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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