Orotund Sentences from Historical Recaps: New York, 1897

Recently, in these pages, the author reproduced for the reader’s consideration a small collection of excerpts from a game recap that appeared originally in the July 1, 1897, edition of the New York Evening World — which recap, one will have noted, features sentences that are both alien and also “like magic” to the modern ear.

This post features three more examples of that engaging prose — in this case, from the July 15, 1897, edition of the Evening World and all concerning a game from the previous day between the New York Giants and Louisville Colonels which took place at the latter club’s Base Ball Grounds.

Regarding the aforementioned contest, one learns that, in the first inning, “Cunny couldn’t find the coal hole cover” — a sentence which almost certainly appeared in more than Victorian-era erotic novel, as well.

1st

On the theme of eroticism, the editoriat of the Evening World now turn the attentions of this recap away from the action on the field and towards “Joyce’s bump.” That Johnson adequately performed “the needful” to/with it produces a collective sigh of relief for all involved, certainly.

3rd

Finally, and mid-way through the game now, there is some discussion of “Dad” — a father-figure, one assumes, if not the biological paterfamilias — discussion of “‘Dad’ clipping at visions.” The product of absinthe, that, one can only assume.

5th




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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


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Buster Hyman
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Buster Hyman
2 years 4 months ago

Who’s the writer of these? Obartolo Ocolon?

Mike Green
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Mike Green
2 years 4 months ago

“Tiernan couldn’t beat Cunningham’s chuck of his masse” might be better than the one that follows- “Johnson did the needful with Joyce’s bump”. About the latter, I confess that my mind turned to obstetrics and the wish that baby Joyce came through the Caesarean in tip-top shape.

KJOK
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2 years 4 months ago
frivoflava29
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frivoflava29
2 years 4 months ago

I can’t believe how many dads have played baseball

Boof Bonser
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Boof Bonser
2 years 4 months ago

“Joyce pegged a single clean through Stafford.” Violent use of a strap-on? Sold!

Tim Burwell
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Tim Burwell
2 years 4 months ago

Were someone of such talent to exist, it should be their obligation to cover a game of today’s times in this manner. It would be both beautiful and hilarious.

tz
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tz
2 years 4 months ago

I’d love to have this person annotate the win probability graphs from a randomly selected game.

Tim Burwell
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Tim Burwell
2 years 4 months ago

“The Cuban Missile walloped a wrinkled catapult from Wainwright’s swirling paw, persuading a heavy heart-monitor-reading gopher-skimmer to the West of Ice Man’s flailing leather instrument of defense, upon which a twirling shovel of his own became invoked, expediently traversing the diamond’s base on a frozen rope, planting firmly in the desired pocket of the prolonged appendage of The Wrench, altogether dousing the opposition in a figurative cloak of melancholic textile as the eager traipsing of their contestant bumbling towards home base was, conclusively, ill fated.”

Alexei Ramirez, 5-3 putout to end the inning, runner from third fails to score.

Baseball can either be the most enchanting or boring of contests.

Art Vandelay
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Art Vandelay
2 years 4 months ago

that was far from enchanting

Tim Burwell
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Tim Burwell
2 years 4 months ago

I’ll change my name to AG Pennypacker.

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