Notable Reviews of Josh Hamilton’s Home Runs

Tuesday night, Texas Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton became just the 16th player in major-league history to hit four home runs in a single game (box).

Here are notable reviews of those home runs by some of America’s most celebrated critics (with links to video of each individual home run).

No. 1
“Josh Hamilton’s first home run is taut, terse, brisk and immediately engaging.” – Kevin Thomas, Los Angeles Times

No. 2
“This is a home run you will be discussing for days, trying to figure out what actually happened and why.” – Richard Nilsen, Arizona Republic

No. 3
“Hamilton gratifies curiosity without stooping to flatter it, and so this home run is more powerful for the secrets it keeps.” – Wesley Morris, Boston Globe

No. 4
“By the final riveting home run, Josh Hamilton has become almost palpable. You won’t be able to look away.” – Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

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7 Responses to “Notable Reviews of Josh Hamilton’s Home Runs”

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  1. Well-Beered Englishman says:

    “In my days at college, it was customary for a fellow to at least buy a girl dinner at Steak ‘n Shake before going around the bases with her. Hell, I would treat a pretty thing to some fries before I put my hand on her knee. What we did after that is neither here nor there. In his new game, Josh Hamilton does not treat the Baltimore Orioles with such courtesy.” – Roger Ebert

    “Fun for the whole family! The best baseball game of the year!” – Craig Random, WKEX-TV Fox

    “Josh Hamilton is a terrible baseball player.” – Armond White

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    • Semi Pro says:

      “Josh Hamilton’s four home runs show the unoriginality to which baseball has subscribed: going for “wow” factor and ignoring the intricacies of the game. He is just another in a long line of homogenous sluggers.” – Armond White

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  2. reillocity says:

    No. 5
    “Josh Hamilton hitting this home run looks nothing like a water buffalo trying to fuck a washing machine.” – Matt Taibbi, Rolling Stone

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  3. Mr. Observant says:

    “Nice dingers. I like stories. Does anyone have some of those Doritos with the salsa infused into the corn, ummm, the green ones with lime. Man, I am so damn tired and hungry.” – Kent Hrbek, with the assistance of Montreal Magic

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    • Well-Beered Englishman says:

      If you’ve somehow never read the poem “Hrbek at the Bat”, look it up immediately.

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      • Mr. Observant says:

        “Man I have such an itchy arm and where are the uncooked hotdogs? Oh, I fell asleep on them…munch, munch,… What a nice bit of poetic musing ’bout me?!?” – Kent Hrbek, St. Paul Review of Contemporary Poetry and Problemitized Literature, Fall 2012

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  4. Shaun Catron says:

    The best part about reviewing Albert Pujols Home Runs is you have multiple months to think of what to say. ^_^?

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