Other Awards That Combine Metals with Baseball Equipment

PT

This morning the finalists for baseball’s various Gold Glove awards — intended, nominally, for the best defenders at all the different positions — were announced by Major League Baseball. In the not very distant future, the identities of this year’s Silver Slugger award-winners — presented annually, in the form of a silver bat, to the best offensive player at each position in each league — will also be made public.

While the media attention devoted to both the Gold Glove and Silver Slugger is considerable, almost as anonymous are baseball’s other awards that combine a primordial and solid transition metal with some notable piece of baseballing equipment. Ask yourself, for example, if you can name even just one recent winner of the following, totally real awards.

1. Cad­mium Athletic Supporter
2. Chrom­ium Metal Baseball Cleat
3. Iridium Long Sleeve Compression Shirt
4. Manga­nese Sliding Shorts
5. Molyb­denum No Glare Eyeblack Strips
6. Nickel Multiflection Sunglasses
7. Nio­bium Baseball Doughnut
8. Os­mium Traditional Knee-Breeches
9. Scan­dium Wrist Sleeve with Strap
10. Tung­sten Phiten Necklace

Probably you can’t, is the only reasonable answer. Awareness, is what’s needed. And other words that are synonyms for awareness, as well.



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Matthew
Guest
Matthew

Now, come on; everyone knows Phiten makes their necklaces with Mars water.

cass
Guest
cass

I’m pretty sure Bryce Harper is going to win the Molyb­denum No Glare Eyeblack Strips for the second year in a row.

Bryz
Guest

Strips? More like smears.

Justin
Guest
Justin

Jose Offerman won the Iron Glove award so many times they retired it. But Duda’s making a strong push for its return.

Mike Green
Guest
Mike Green

I always knew it as the Tin Glove Award.

The other elements are interesting too- the Helium Prospect Award, the Pitcher’s Kryptonite Award, the Conquering Bipolar disorder with Lithium Award, The Tiny Cuts Iodine Award, the Neon Deion Sanders Award for multi-tasking with flair, The Low-Sodium Tears Award for boneheaded baserunning, and the Managerial Bromide Award for most trite utterances in a year.

Darkstone42
Member
Darkstone42

I prefer to keep cadmium and its toxic properties as far away from body parts requiring athletic supporting as possible.

Maverick Squad
Guest
Maverick Squad

The synthetic element Darmstadtium has a half-life of 11 seconds (according to Wikipedia)- sounds ideal for an award for relief pitchers.

The Stranger
Member

You can pencil Miguel Cabrera in for the Lead Cleats.

cass
Guest
cass

Why is there no award for the best baserunner? This could be a neat award.

Ryan
Guest
Ryan

Prince Fielder.

reillocity
Guest
reillocity

In keeping with the metals theme, I’d call it the Mercury Grand Marquis Grissom Award.

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