Other Things David Wright Offers Besides Statistics


David Wright offers both products and services.

To the saberist’s eye, Alden Gonzalez’s claim (at the Mets official site) that “David Wright offers the Mets more than mere statistics” might sound like the sort of anecdotal analysis to which baseball fans are routinely subject.

However, after some serious investigative reporting, our Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has learned today that the third baseman actually really does provide more than baseball production.

Here are some of the services we’ve verified that Wright offers:

• A thorough visual inspection.

• An expansive network.

• An integrated approach to meet your individual needs.

• Counseling and/or assistance in creating a plan.

• Customized, sophisticated analytics that help clients gain hindsight, insight, and foresight.

• Data (upon request).

• Day and half-day tours of David Wright.

• Free estimates. Flexible pricing options. Flexible payment options.

• Installation and set-up.

• Powerful solutions for organizations operating anywhere in the world.

• Prevention.

• Removal of the old fluid and replacement, by David Wright personally, with the new fluid.

• Several different methods and techniques, which allow David Wright to meet even the most demanding requirements of the market.

• Training.

• Ultimate privacy.




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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.


8 Responses to “Other Things David Wright Offers Besides Statistics”

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  1. I hear he also offers quality, home-style meals at affordable prices for the whole family, plus a salad bar.

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  2. Jason says:

    I don’t know that I’d really want David Wright to replace my fluid. Sounds messy

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  3. Yirmiyahu says:

    Will David Wright massage my data?

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  4. Wait, so I have to request data?

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  5. Resolution says:

    I heard he could perform the perfect golf swing. Is this true?

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  6. sheath1976 says:

    No no, don’t let him replace your fluid. He replaced Roberto Alomar’s fluid when he was with the Mets so now his fluid is not only infectious but infected.

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  7. Marc Iannacone says:

    I heard that he also thinks outside the box…just like how he swings.

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