Pencils Ready? Here is Today’s Pop Quiz

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On occasional occasions – and this is one such occasion – we here at NotGraphs like to see if you’ve paid attention. So … have you paid attention?

1. Before hiring Jay Z’s Roc Nation Sports, Cuban free agent Rusney Castillo also considered:
(a) Sergei Rachmaninoff’s Rach Nation Sports.
(b) Johann Sebastian Bach’s Bach Nation Sports.
(c) Doc Severinsen’s Doc Nation Sports.
(d) John Holmes’ Penis Country Athletics.

2. When Manny Machado threw his bat at Alberto Callaspo, he was trying to:
(a) Teach him an important lesson about the U.S. timber industry.
(b) Administer an invigorating deep-tissue massage.
(c) “Keep him on his toes.”
(d) Marry him, in the manner of a jumping-the-broom ceremony.
(e) Both (a) and (c), and possibly (b) and (d)

3. The Nationals are attributing their recent hot streak to banana and mayo sandwiches. To what sandwich do the D-backs attribute their miserable season?
(a) PB&J (the “J” is for “Jheri curl”)
(b) BLT (the “T” is for “thumbtack”)
(c) Banana and mayo

4. On what do the Rangers blame their injury woes?
(a) The Curse of Ian Kinsler
(b) The Curse of Nolan Ryan
(c) The Curse of Ian Ryan, a 12-year-old boy from Limerick, Ireland, who, whilst reading Ulysses Almost Explained: The CliffsNotes of the CliffsNotes, daydreamt a bizarre scenario in which a voodoo priestess gives the evil eye to an official MLB bobblehead of a figure that she renames “Limper, Texas Ranger”
(d) Too much salt

5. Despite the highest payroll in baseball history, the Dodgers are performing like a bunch of replacement-level players. Why?
(a) Too much No Salt (“All the Flavor Without the Sodium! Or the HGH!”)
(b) No pepper
(c) Lack of team chemistry, i.e., too much time in team history and team math
(d) The Curse of Ryan Ian, a 12-year-old boy from Limerick, Ireland, who, whilst reading Ulysses Almost Explained Explained: The CliffsNotes of the CliffsNotes of the CliffsNotes, daydreamt that the Yankees had become the Dodgers
(e) Baseball

6. With the first pick of the 2014 Draft, the Astros selected high-school pitcher Brady Aiken. Not selected was/were:
(a) Clay Aiken.
(b) Willie Mays Aikens.
(c) Aiken, South Carolina.
(d) Brady Quinn.
(e) Cindy Brady.
(f) Most if not all of the above.

7. With the 837th pick of the Draft, the Padres selected former Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel. This means that the San Diego offense will:
(a) Use the spread formation.
(b) Be disappointed by the all-male cheerleading squad.
(c) More easily make mechanical changes, and also agricultural changes.

8. The Rays have announced that the struggling Grant Balfour is out as closer. In is:
(a) Grant Walkoff.
(b) Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn.
(c) Betty White.
(d) An aardvark.
(e) A Swiffer Sweeper.
(f) All of the above.

9. In efforts to help his floundering team, Rays manager Joe Maddon recently brought in a Seminole medicine man. Who’s next?
(a) Motivational speaker Tony Robbins
(b) Infomercial pitchman Kevin Trudeau
(c) Psychic healer Raven
(d) A priest, to administer last rites

10. True or false: Mets catcher Travis d’Arnaud recently got d’Emoted.

11. The Chicago Cubs are to baseball as:
(a) The Cleveland Browns are to football.
(b) The Washington Generals are to basketball.
(c) Lyndon LaRouche is to the presidency.
(d) The Chicago Cubs are to baseball.

12. In what now seems an obvious omen, Rangers pitcher Derek Holland sustained an offseason knee injury by tripping over his dog. What is the dog’s name?
(a) Trip
(b) Hines Ward
(c) Cassandra, the Portentous Prophetess of Doom
(d) Wrigley

13. On June 16, Pete Rose will serve as manager for the independent Bridgeport Bluefish. Odds that a baseball writer will make a betting joke are:
(a) 100 percent.

14. Bryce Harper says that as part of his recuperation from thumb surgery, he will play ____________.
(a) The role of Zach in the Broadway revival of A Chorus Line
(b) PlayStation
(c) With himself

15. On talk radio this week, former big league catcher Paul Lo Duca said that the Mets catchers are “schmucks.” Lo Duca also said:
(a) “Take my wife – please.”
(b) “I just flew in from Yonkers, and, boy, are my arms tired!”
(c) “Both (a) and (b), ya putz.”




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John, who has also written under the pseudonym "Azure Texan," writes for both The Hardball Times and NotGraphs.


Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
Resolution
Guest
Resolution
2 years 1 month ago

I got 7 out of 10 correct!

Mike Green
Guest
Mike Green
2 years 1 month ago

The D[Backs tried to get hot using the HS sandwich (Habanero/Serrano). Wrong hot. Swing and miss.

Kevin Pillar
Guest
Kevin Pillar
2 years 1 month ago

When is Carson back?

MDBuc
Guest
MDBuc
2 years 1 month ago

9. In efforts to help his floundering team, Rays manager Joe Maddon recently brought in a Seminole medicine man. Who’s next?

(e)An old priest and a young priest, to finish the exorcism.

Danmay
Guest
Danmay
2 years 1 month ago

2. When Manny Machado threw his bat at Alberto Callaspo, he was trying to:
(f) hit Fernando Abad (on the mound)
(g) hit Josh Donaldson (in the dugout)
(h) cap off a spectacular weekend of acting like a psychopathic whiny baby

Flippin Lincecum's Bachelor Pad For A Quick Buck
Guest
Flippin Lincecum's Bachelor Pad For A Quick Buck
2 years 1 month ago

When Danmay commented, he was trying to:
(a) Show his fanboyism.
(b) Show he is humorous when, in fact, he is not.
(c) Show he is angry at the completely justifiable actions of Manny “Hakuna” Machado.
(d) Enter a contest so that he could become the next contestant on the Price Is Right, hosted by Harry Caray.
(e) I ran out of ideas so think of one yourself.

Danmay
Guest
Danmay
2 years 1 month ago

When Flippin Lincecum’s Bachelor Pad For A Quick Buck commented, he was trying to:
(a) Show how cool he is, and he is.
(b) Show how smart he is, and he is.
(c) I ran out of ideas so think of one yourself.

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous
2 years 1 month ago

When two nerds got into a slapfight on the internet, what happened?
a.) Nobody cared
b.) Nobody cared
c.) Nobody cared and they each took the time to reflect on their brief time on this earth and how they were choosing to spend it by getting into fights with strangers on the internet.

Danmay
Guest
Danmay
2 years 1 month ago

When someone took time out of their day to say that people shouldn’t be wasting their time with useless comments, what happened?
(a) it was wonderfully ironic
(b) it was amusingly ironic

Justice Scalia
Guest
Justice Scalia
2 years 1 month ago

I’ll take “B.” Final answer.

Danmay
Guest
Danmay
2 years 1 month ago

For the record, only the first (and this) Danmay were actually me. And yes, I know I’m a humorous fanboy.

Eric
Guest
Eric
2 years 1 month ago

For 9. you forgot
e) Billy Mayes here

Max
Guest
Max
2 years 1 month ago

“A Handle of Jack Daniels”

Marcel Duchamp
Guest
Marcel Duchamp
2 years 1 month ago

penis

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