Phillies Pull Plug on Chase Utley

The first in a new series:

What happens if you only read the first half of a headline?

In this case… poor Chase Utley.

Much-consolidated excerpt from actual article:

MIAMI – In the end, there was too much risk and too little time. [For] one month… the Phillies staved off formal elimination. [But] before the Phillies dropped a 2-1 decision to the Miami Marlins that ended their postseason chances, GM Ruben Amaro Jr. and manager Charlie Manuel informed Utley… [h]is work [on Earth]… was done.

“I don’t know if it’s a matter whether or not he can [recover],” Amaro said. “I think it’s more a matter of practicality and what’s really best for the team overall.”

Amaro, for one, said [Utley] was… “dead.” … [I]t appears the team is fully headed in another direction.

“It’s tough to put the guy in that position right now,” Amaro said.

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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This looks like a truther’s excerpt from a 9/11 document, except that it is more likely to be true.