Picking the All-Stars: Actual Stars Edition


Over the last couple days, Dave Cameron has submitted what he considers to be the most reasonably constructed rosters for both the American League and National League‘s All-Star teams, respectively. What follows is the author’s own version of that same exercise — except for actual stars in the universe.

Here are the author’s choices for the All-Star Star team, by luminosity classification:

Supergiant: R136a1
Discovered by British scientists in 2010. Most massive and also most luminous star known. One weakness: part of decidedly substandard constellation.

Bright Giant: Alpha Herculis (or, Rasalgethi)
Plays vital role in one of night sky’s top constellations. Otherwise, merely best star in weak luminosity class.

Giant: Hatsya
Actually a double-star system, both giants. Along with c and Theta, forms sword in Orion’s belt. Brightest of those three stars.

Subgiant: Procyon
Has played considerable role in numerous works of fiction — largely based on possibility of supporting life. Has nearly fused its core hydrogen into helium, meaning will depart from subgiant class sooner than later.

Dwarf: The Sun
King of the main-sequence stars, itself a challenging classification. Supports ton of life. Dangerous to Irish people.

Subdwarf: 2MASS 0532+8246
Report of discovery published in 2003 by Burgasser et al. Full designation is 2MASS J05325346+8246465. Possibly first halo brown dwarf and first substellar subdwarf.

White Dwarf: 40 Eridani B
Discovered in 1783 by William Herschel, is oldest known white dwarf. Still easiest white dwarf to observe. Companion star 40 Eridani A is candidate to support life.

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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.

12 Responses to “Picking the All-Stars: Actual Stars Edition”

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  1. neal990 says:

    Did you ever notice how white dwarf stars always get described as “scrappy,” “gritty,” “gym rats,” etc ? Whereas subgiants are always “athletic freaks.”

    +13 Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Anon says:

    Dangerous to Irish people.

    Discrimination! The Sun is racist!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. jcxy says:

    Someone needs to tweet this to Neil de Grasse Tyson so he can weigh in.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. United States of says:

    This way funny.

    Hey can you do a facial mashup of Ichiro and Youkilis and call it ‘Suzoukilis’?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. Jaack says:

    What is such a Sirius post doing on Notgraphs?

    +8 Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. Woody Perilson says:

    What about Melky Way Cabrera?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. Abraham Bogdanovich Lincoln says:

    What about Uranus Cespedes?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  8. Mia Vladivostok Farrow says:

    What about Marco Plutaro?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  9. Pietr Tullius Monzano says:

    What about EvEarth Cabrera?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  10. Balsawood McCarthy says:

    What about “Two Moons” Batty F. McGahey?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  11. cass says:

    Why are there not two lists, one for stars in the Southern Hemisphere and one for stars in the Northern Hemisphere? Then we need to pit these two rosters against each other in a True All-Star Game and see who wins.

    Regardless, both Sirius A and Sirius B need to represent their respective categories. Kind of like the Upton brothers, except these two stars never get cold.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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