Pirates Announce Name Change

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Pittsburgh — In the wake of a devastating Game 5 loss to the St. Louis Cardinals, Pittsburgh Pirates team president Robert Nutting announced that, effective immediately, the club will be known by a different name.

“I’m sick of the name calling,” Nutting said in a press conference. “I’m sick of the offensive, and frankly unimaginative monikers that fans of a certain team have associated with this proud and storied ball club. So, as of this point forward, we will now be known as the Shitsburgh Butt Pirates.”

Nutting told the press that he decided to change the name while he was leaving Busch Stadium in St. Louis, minutes after the Cardinals beat the Butt Pirates to move on to the NLCS.

“I heard so many hateful things being spouted about my team from the St. Louis fans,” he said.  “It sickened me. This is a team with a great history. From Roberto Clemente to Honus Wagner to Wilbur Cooper to Bob Friend, this club has been a mainstay in the sport. It saddens me to do this, to bend to the will of Cardinals fans, but I feel it’s in the best interest of the Shitsburgh Butt Pirates to do so. I’m treating this as a battle, and taking away the enemy’s weapons.”

Nutting had originally planned on using a more traditional “I Know You Are but What Am I?” approach to the problem, and even considered the “Takes One to Know One” strategy famously invented by Lee Iacocca, but ultimately decided that the re-naming of the team was the most effective plan.

The Butt Pirates will begin work on a significant rebranding process immediately, with plans to have it completed before the beginning of the 2014 season.

(h/t to @BestFansStLouis)




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David G. Temple is the Managing Editor of TechGraphs and a contributor to FanGraphs, NotGraphs and The Hardball Times. He hosts the award-eligible podcast Stealing Home. Dayn Perry once called him a "Bible Made of Lasers." Follow him on Twitter @davidgtemple.


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Adam
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Adam
2 years 11 months ago

Best Fans in Baseball. These tweets are actually some of the kinder things that’s posted on this feed.

Cybo
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Cybo
2 years 11 months ago

Low hanging fruit FTW but never mind where its hanging from though…

Hole
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Hole
2 years 11 months ago

The Shittsburgh Butt Pirates announce trades to acquire Albert Pujols, Joey Terdoslavich, and Bartolo Colon.

nice
Guest
nice
2 years 11 months ago

Move the team to Butte, Montana

reillocity
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reillocity
2 years 11 months ago

The Shittsburgh Butt Pirates are probably wishing that they had been moved to the AL West instead of the Hoobastank Asstros.

reillocity
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reillocity
2 years 11 months ago

There’s a whole ‘nother NotGraphs post buried here – what is the “Shittsburgh Butt Pirates” of the other 29 clubs? Youstink Asstros, Poo York Stankees, Balls-in Buttocks, …

tz
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tz
2 years 11 months ago

+1 for the name

Hole
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Hole
2 years 11 months ago

Also Alex Rodriguez, for obvious reasons.

TheGrandslamwich
Member
TheGrandslamwich
2 years 11 months ago

Haha! His name is Nutting.

Alex D
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Alex D
2 years 11 months ago

Tonight’s game: The Chokeland A’s v Dicktroit Tugers

MikeS
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MikeS
2 years 11 months ago

Stay classy, Cards fans.

Honus From The Grave
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Honus From The Grave
2 years 11 months ago

Taint Loose ‘Tard Nards!

Matthew Cornwell
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Matthew Cornwell
2 years 11 months ago

Stay classy Cards fans! Too bad the Pirates lost. If they won, I am sure there wouldn’t have been a single trash talking, cliche, sophomoric Twitter using social media troll saying anything rude or disgusting about the Cardinals. Everybody knows those midwestern trolls from St.Louis areparticularly viscous in the art of social-network name-calling.

More than that, it is clear by the large sample size of evidence, that simple-minded immature name-calling is rampant among Cardinal fans. At least 80% by some reports. Stay classy, Card fans, indeed.

Antonio Bananas
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Antonio Bananas
2 years 11 months ago

That’s my favorite thing on twitter. It’s not that other team’s fans aren’t dicks, it’s that cards fans are the only ones who never shit the fuck up about how they are the “#bestfansinbaseball”. No, show up after not winning a damn thing for 100 years like the cubs fans or get so loud the opposing pitcher literally drops the ball like shittsturd butt pirates fans and we’ll talk.

Antonio Bananas
Guest
2 years 11 months ago

Shut*

Matthew Cornwell
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Matthew Cornwell
2 years 11 months ago

I get the irony and all, but. I don’t think a handful of clowns proves they are not the best fanbase in baseball. Not saying they are – no way to quantify that really. I certainly know that causing a pitcher to drop a ball one time (if that is really why he dropped it) with a crowd in ” holy crap, we went from sucking to good overnight” hysterics after empty seats for two decades is not enough to crown the Pirate”s fans as mega fans either. And the Cubs? That is a very unique situation. Give them props for sticking it out. Of course they do have 10 million people in the metro area to draw from.

Either way, we of the “I like sample sizes, so i waste time at FG instead of ESPN.COM” mindset realize that social media is the worst way to determine fan quality.

I certainly did get a laugh at the irony of the tweets.

Antonio Bananas
Guest
2 years 11 months ago

My point was more than other fanbases make a pretty good case without the annoying pretentiousness that cards fans have.

Gyre
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Gyre
2 years 11 months ago

Hmm I guess there is now a reason to pick a side in the NLCS. Karma will strike them down, just ask the rage Braves.

Ian
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Ian
2 years 11 months ago

Sure, because Dodgers fans are world renowned for their modesty and grace.

Utah Dave
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Utah Dave
2 years 11 months ago

Ask any Giants fan.

steve-o
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steve-o
2 years 11 months ago

Who can root for the St. Loser Retardinals?

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