Planet Hoagie, Around Which All of Giancarlo Stanton’s Home Runs Are Put Into Orbit, Ya See

Almost every day during the last three baseball seasons, I have been doing something that no other baseball fan does: I have been checking the box scores of Miami Marlins games.

I have been checking said scores with bated breath, even, hoping to see one thing: a Giancarlo Stanton home run.

The headlines for the highlight videos of Stanton’s dongs are seldom without descriptors such as “mammoth”, “moon shot”, “upper decker”, or “long potato.” Well, last night, Stanton outdid himself at Citizens Bank Park, placing one into orbit around a delicious planetoid, thereby delighting a powerful entertainment god and gaining for himself a third and gaudy monicker.

Suckle your eye-lips on this teat-treat:


Absurdism is best served GIF!

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8 Responses to “Planet Hoagie, Around Which All of Giancarlo Stanton’s Home Runs Are Put Into Orbit, Ya See”

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  1. Birdlander says:

    This is why I come here.

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  2. Jim Cudworth says:

    If Romulus and Remus sucked this tit, Rome may not have fallen.

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  3. ettin says:

    I guess you could say that Stanton Khan-ected with the ball?

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  4. MLB Notifications says:

    Joey Votto is now at bat.

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  5. Positive Thinker says:

    Wait a minute, are you saying Giancarlo is a Theo-Rudy Huxtable love child???? I view the Cosby Show in a whole new light.

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  6. golden jerseys, sparkle pants says:

    This morning you awoke and said, “I stayed up too late last night. I was making a GIF.” You smiled. You seemed proud. Rightfully so, dear.

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  7. Resolution says:


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