Planning for Your Future, with Kyle Farnsworth

Farnsowrth

“Hi, I’m Kyle Farnsworth. You probably know me as a longtime major-league reliever with the Cubs, Rays, Yankees, and other teams. Baseball is great, but my real passion is helping people plan for their future — financially, yes, but also spiritually, how to deal with aging, all of it. Regardless of what it is, having a plan is important.

“Let me give you an example from my own life. In 2003, when I was with the Cubs, I threw an inside fastball to Reds pitcher Paul Wilson, who was attempting to bunt. Wilson came out of the box and was barking at me, so I said something back. Then, Wilson dropped his bat and ran at me. Then I beat his goddamn ass.

“Paul Wilson’s problem was, he didn’t have a plan. He decided to throw down, but hadn’t considered anything further than that. And what happened? He got blown up by a weapon known as Kyle Farnsworth’s Impressive Biceps Especial.

“Now let’s look at it from the other side. Soon as Wilson starts running his mouth, I’m surveying the situation. Like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character in Terminator, is how I think of it. I analyze all the weak points in my possible opponent, try and assess his willingness to fight, and then beat his goddamn ass.

“I want to help you do in your life like what I did to Paul Wilson on a baseball field. I’m Kyle Farnwsorth, and this is Planning for Your Future, with Kyle Farnsworth.”

Read more Kyle Farnwsorth coverage from yesterday by Bradley Woodrum.




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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


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Bradley Woodrum
Member
Member
3 years 1 month ago

I think it’s cute that Paul Wilson executed a little gator-armed karate-chop whiff before Kyle Farnsworth beat his goddamn ass. It’s like Wilson was chugga chugga-ing some sort of warmup combat move.

AJK
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AJK
3 years 1 month ago

Fun seeing Michael Barrett (?) come running out to keep Wilson away from his pitcher but then realizing that eh, my work here is done.

Blueyays
Member
Member
Blueyays
3 years 1 month ago

Nahh… ’03, he was still with the Expos, that would had to have been… God, I don’t even know.

The Return of Rambo Diaz
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The Return of Rambo Diaz
3 years 1 month ago

Methinks that’s Damian Miller with the decidedly meh response.

Joel
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Joel
3 years 1 month ago

Later in his career Kyle had a sit down with Pedro Martinez and explained that “Beating his damned ass” is only OK if the opponent is under 85.

Dave (UK)
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Dave (UK)
3 years 1 month ago

Such a wise old man should know that if he charges at a much younger, more spritely athlete, he will probably end up worse off.

Choo
Member
3 years 1 month ago

I don’t know. Pedro had that old man smell all over his hands for at least a day. That odor is damn near impossible to wash off.

likenoneother
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likenoneother
3 years 1 month ago

He spears him, and then goes for the right hook…

Mr. Observant
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Mr. Observant
3 years 1 month ago

In the movie ‘Commando’ Arnold’s character, Matrix, opens the film with an in-the-pool scene alongside his daughter, played by Alyssa Milano. The way in which he playfully tosses her around in the pool is easily one of the most awkwardly sexual sequences in a mainstream movie. Apropos of nothing, but that’s how Fansworth didn’t throw around Malholm. Word.

GhostofMeek
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GhostofMeek
3 years 1 month ago
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