Pole-n-Kuntz’s 2011 All Porn-Name Team

Dick Pole and Rusty Kuntz just came out with their position by position rankings of players with the best porn names from the 2011 season. The competition was especially tough in the outfield and among pitchers.

C: Dusty Brown
1B: Justin Smoak
2B: Nick Punto
SS: J.J. Hardy
3B: Justin Turner
LF: Lance Berkman
CF: Drew Stubbs
RF: Willie Harris

Starting Pitchers:
Phil Hughes
Doug Fister
R.A. Dickey
Josh Johnson
Chien-Ming Wang

Relief Pitchers:
Nathan Adcock
Charlie Furbush
John Danks
Kameron Loe
The Wood Brothers Triple Teamers (Kerry, Travis and Blake)




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Jeff writes for FanGraphs, The Hardball Times and Royals Review, as well as his own website, Baseball Heat Maps with his brother Darrell. In tandem with Bill Petti, he won the 2013 SABR Analytics Research Award for Contemporary Analysis. Follow him on Twitter @jeffwzimmerman.


27 Responses to “Pole-n-Kuntz’s 2011 All Porn-Name Team”

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  1. no one says:

    where’s JJ Putz??

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  2. Bismarcke says:

    I guess Dylan Axelrod will have to wait for next season.

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  3. John R. says:

    These haven’t been the same since Randy Johnson retired.

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  4. Is Davey Johnson the manager? Or should we bring Bobby Cox out of retirement?

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  5. Abe says:

    I mean, you could have an “All Johnson” team, so this is a bit of a redundant exercise, don’t you think?

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  6. Morse says:

    Hehe. Adcock.

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  7. TheGrandslamwich says:

    I hope Willy Mo Pena was under consideration.

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  8. joshcohen says:

    i’d like to see marcum make a spot
    start or two

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  9. ElJosharino says:

    I think that in order to come to any real conclusions here, we’re going to need to know the following:
    1) The name of each player’s first pet
    2) The street on which each player grew up

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  10. Mike D says:

    Fister? I hardly knew her

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  11. JDS says:

    I’m assuming Dick Pole will be brought back to be the pitching coach?

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  12. James says:

    How could Lance Broadway not make the cut?

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  13. reillocity says:

    I realize that he hasn’t pitched an MLB inning in 2011, but Pedro Feliciano has always sounded to me like the words that a gentleman would use to order a BJ in Latin America or other Spanish-speaking parts of the globe.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  14. Andrew says:

    No Merkin Valdez?

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  15. Choo says:

    Randy Johnson and Randy Bush: Co-Captains of the All-Randy Team.

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