President Taft’s Favorite Ballpark Foods

William Howard Taft, the first U.S. President to throw out a ceremonial first pitch, is back in the news this week.

William Howard Taft, the only massively obese man ever to be president of the United States, struggled mightily to control his weight a century ago… Taft was to eat a small portion of lean meat or fish at every meal, cooked vegetables at lunch and dinner (no butter), a plain salad, and stewed or baked fruit (unsweetened). He got a single glass of “unsweetened” wine at lunch. The doctor also allowed his own diet product, gluten biscuits, that were produced to his specifications in London. Taft bought them and had them shipped to the United States.
The New York Times

So, given those restrictions, what might he have eaten at the ballpark?

Perhaps a build-your-own salad at Coors Field.

Wild pacific salmon at PNC.

Or a delicious batting glove.

Poor President Taft.

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

6 Responses to “President Taft’s Favorite Ballpark Foods”

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  1. Well-Beered Englishman says:

    Top Five Things I Never Wanted to See on FanGraphs
    5. Analysis of Congressional debt standoff
    4. Weekly analytical guest column by Tim McCarver
    3. Derek Jeter’s STD test results
    2. Hand-drawn representation of William Howard Taft’s exposed genitals
    1. Eno Sarris & Angel Hernandez sex tape

    +14 Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. joshe says:

    Taft, you old dog

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Justin says:

    FanGraphs headline: “The Cap Has The Clap!”

    No but seriously I heard he has herpes.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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