Probably Serious Disease: Carlos Baerga Fever

Do not wonder, reader, whether I have modified a dispatch from the official Twitter feed of the Cleveland baseball Indians for my own, nefarious purposes. Wonder instead how many of your friends and family will die tragically from Carlos Baerga Fever, which is probably a really serious and actual thing.

According the Center for Disease Control, any of the following might be symptoms of Carlos Baerga Fever:

• Beautiful black mustache.
• Early decline.
• This is you:




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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.


5 Responses to “Probably Serious Disease: Carlos Baerga Fever”

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  1. Choo says:

    I had Carlos Baerga Fever. It comes on strong but doesn’t last long. However, since having CB, every time I encounter a left-handed person I fall flat on my face. Literally. I didn’t have that problem before.

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  2. Dr. Feelgood says:

    Thankfully, I caught Carlos Baerga Fever as a child, so I’m immune.

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  3. dp says:

    An often-missed symptom is inexplicable swelling of the buttocks and abdominal area, most especially found in sufferers over the age of 27. Even after the fever has run its course, patients often find that the swelling fails to subside for months, even years, without aggressive treatment.

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  4. deadhead says:

    It looks as if fine taste in interior decorating may be a symptom also.

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  5. yosoyfiesta says:

    Huh, isn’t he outside, at 44, remembering days gone by?

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