Pujols’s Knee Injury More Serious Than First Expected

Joe Strauss reports today at the St. Louis-Post Dispatch that Los Angeles Angels first baseman Albert Pujols underwent knee surgery last week in St. Louis.

However, while Strauss’s source has described the procedure as a “minor” one intended to “clean-up” the joint, some crack analysis by our Investigative Reporting Investigation Team reveals that Pujols’s knee injury — and the corresponding procedure to correct it — were likely much more serious than anyone knows.

By way of example, here’s an image of Pujols from near the end of the season:

“Nothing amiss,” you say, right? “Here is a baseball player, playing baseball,” you continue. And, yes: to the naked eye, Pujols appears to be as fit as any number of fiddles you’d care to invoke.

Well, that may be the case. However, consider that same image, following a highly technological and really difficult enhancement by the aforementioned Investigation Team:

Indeed, if this impressively enhanced image is to be believed — and, surely, why shouldn’t we believe it — then it’s entirely within the realm of possibility that Pujols played a not insignificant portion of the 2012 MLB season sans an effing knee.

Startling, is the word to describe this revelation.




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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


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Loyd
Guest
Loyd
3 years 8 months ago

Policeman, policeman,
Help me please.
Someone went and stole my knees.
I’d chase him down but I suspect
My feet and legs just won’t connect.

Sheldon Allan Silverstein

Smooth
Guest
Smooth
3 years 8 months ago

Not only is he kneeless, but he is also (you’re not going to believe this), Hispanic! Oh my God.

Mr. Observant
Guest
Mr. Observant
3 years 8 months ago

I blame Obama for this. Leave it to the Spend-a-crats to inflict a SOCIALIST health care system upon freedom-loving midwesterners and leave them jointless and unable to spend their hard-earned dollars on surgery to procure a knee from some homeless waif or filthy Virginian coal-grubbing orphan. For shame, America. A champion of baseballing is hurt, and the Republic is diminished accordingly.

reillocity
Guest
reillocity
3 years 8 months ago

The layman’s term for Pujols’ malady is “air in the knee”.

Robert J. Baumann
Member
Member
3 years 8 months ago

Decades hence, we will be asking our elderly brethren, Where were you the day Carson Cistuli discovered the Clone Stamp tool in Photoshop?

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