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R.A. Dickey Enters Whole New World


TORONTO – After agreeing to an extension with the Toronto Blue Jays today, pitcher R.A. Dickey will be in a whole new world for the next three years. This shining, shimmering, splendid extension finalized a trade that sent Dickey from the Mets to Toronto.

Sources were unable to confirm when Dickey last let his heart decide.

“[Toronto GM] Alex [Anthopoulos] really opened my eyes to the wonder of Canada,” Dickey said in a press conference announcing the deal. “He took me on a helicopter trip. We went over, sideways, and under the city. I really felt like I was on a magic carpet ride.”

“I’m excited to show R.A. a new fantastic point of view,” said Anthopoulos. “In Toronto, there’s no one to tell us ‘no’, or where to go. No one says we’re only dreaming.”

Dickey said that though he has pitched in Toronto before, he never got to really experience the city.

“It’s a dazzling place. I never knew. But now, from way up here, it’s crystal clear. I’m in a whole new world. Unbelievable sights.”

Dickey told reporters his feelings were indescribable, and even his plane trip to Toronto made him feel as if he were soaring, tumbling, and freewheeling through an “endless diamond sky.”

“I told him not to dare close his eyes,” said Anthopoulos. “There are still a hundred thousand things to see.”

Dickey was then asked about his recent ascension from minor-league cast-off to Cy Young winner and staff ace.

“I’m holding my breath, in hopes it gets better. I’m like a shooting star, really. I’ve come so far. I can’t go back to where I used to be.”

Dickey’s wife Anne, also at the press conference, was asked to explain the process of negotiating and having her husband on the trading block.

“It was really a whole new world,” she said. Every turn, there was a surprise. But now, we have new horizons to pursue. I hope every moment is red-letter.”

“I’ll chase him anywhere,” she said when asked how she felt about possibly moving to a new country. “There’s time to spare. I’m just excited to share this whole new world with him. Toronto, that’s where we’ll be.”

“It’s been a thrilling chase,” added R.A. Dickey. “But this is a wondrous place for my wife and me.”

Abu the Monkey contributed to this story.