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R.A. Dickey’s Crimes Against Humanity

As my beleaguered comrade Eno Sarris has already emoted, R.A. Dickey is leaving the fair city of New York. The casual fan might assume that the Blue Jays-Mets swap is one of those unfortunate deals necessary for a rebuilding club to get younger. They might then accidentally go on to miss the intelligent, witty veteran with the lovable knuckleball. Fortunately, the New York Post is there to dispel these illusions, and remind the reader that R.A. Dickey is in fact a clubhouse cancer and possible convicted felon, who has fled north to escape his inevitable tarring/feathering.

The Post’s Mr. Davidoff doesn’t actually supply much hard evidence for the selfishness of the 38 year-old pitcher whose performance the past three seasons has has surpassed his pay six times over. Fortunately, we here at the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team have uncovered a list of some of Dickey’s petulant demands and grotesque personal charisma. An anonymous source revealed the following unforgivable sins:

All these things make the trade a dubious one for the Blue Jays, especially since we can expect extradition to begin within the next couple of months.