Raul Ibañez Is for Paul Thomas Anderson…

As the off-season approaches, we’re sure to resume casting for our nascent baseballing epic, MLB: The Movie. For now, a couple of images of New York Tankees have me pondering who should direct this myth.

If you like the composition of this recent image of Raul Ibañez, you might like Paul Thomas Anderson to direct.


Raul said that’s that, mattress man.

Consider these images from Anderson’s 2002 film Punch-Drunk Love:


Does Raul have a love in his life that makes him stronger than anything you can imagine?

On the other hand, if you’re partial to this image of Derek Jeter, you might be lamenting that Tony Scott passed away earlier this year.


Jeter will drive whatever knife you throw at him out of this flooding ballpark.

Consider some of Mr. Scott’s sports-based, rain-soaked best:


From The Fan (1996)


From The Last Boy Scout (1991)

The question is, What feel to we want this film to have? Do we want it to feel an epileptic fit fueled by testosterone, chief motif: monsoons? Or do we want each shot to be beautiful and symbolic, the film sure to work to a resounding emotional crescendo?

You decide. You can also decide, if you haven’t already, whether I’m an elitist asshole with nothing to say.




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tyler
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tyler

EXT DAY
Grey, empty parking lot of warehouse situated on nearly empty freeway. RAUL IBANEZ, wearing blue velour suit, walks from his warehouse to the edge of the freeway. Melancholy look on his face, he looks down the freeway and sees a YANKEES OFFENSE driving toward him. Suddenly, the offense crashes dramatically and bizarrely, seemingly at random. Ibanez looks on, powerless to help but unmoved. He bends over, picks up a keyboard from a garbage bin on the curb, and continues about his day.

mattc
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mattc

EXT DAY
Derek Jeter and A-Rod play a spirited game of beach volleyball while Kenny Loggins’ “Playing With the Boys” plays on the soundtrack.

theystaythesameage
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theystaythesameage

A 3rd Rock-era Joseph Gordon-Levitt (or the kid from Dazed and Confused) would be perfect for the part of Tim Lincecum.

jen
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jen

Hunter Pence played by Faith the two-legged dog:

http://imgur.com/gallery/mG9BF

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