Received: Birthday Card from the Actual, Famous Rob Neyer

A friend of mine from college — to whom I’ll refer as “Justin,” largely owing to how that’s his name — went to a dinner party at the Chelsea Hotel shortly after he graduated in 2002. He was surprised to find, among the guests of said party, Arthur Miller — as in the actual Arthur Miller, who wrote basically every play you’re required to read in high school.

“I seriously never thought of him as a real person,” Justin said about the experience — which sentiment I invoke here on account of that’s more or less how I felt about Rob Neyer before making his acquaintance at a meeting of the Northwest chapter of SABR in 2008, I think it was. In fact, “making his acquaintance” might be the incorrect phrasing. More appropriate might be “imposed myself upon” or “harassed in word and deed.” In any case, until that point, Rob Neyer had only existed for me as a popular and beflanneled internet evangelist of sabermetrics — someone, like Arthur Miller, with whose work I was quite familiar, but with whom I never expected to actually interact.

Owing to a series of events that are mostly the product of luck, I’ve had the opportunity to become something like close with Neyer — close enough such that not only (a) I have the privilege of receiving a birthday card (such as the one pictured here) from him, but also that (b) he willn’t feel entirely as though I’ve violated the terms of our friendship by rendering the receipt of said birthday card into a post on the absurd internet site of which I’m the editor.

Here, for the benefit of the reader, is a photo of the envelope of Neyer’s birthday card — with addresses obscured for Maximum Privacy™:

Card Outside

And here’s the card itself, which features a sexy and vintage skateboarding woman:

Card Opened

And here’s the inside of that card, which implores the author to “have some fun, dammit”:

Card Inside




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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.


10 Responses to “Received: Birthday Card from the Actual, Famous Rob Neyer”

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  1. Dan Rozenson says:

    Calling bullshit. Cistulli wrote the card for himself.

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  2. Hee Seop Choi's Evil Twin's Goatee says:

    NOOO! NEYER, YOU FOOL!

    Now the Dimaggio stamp is no longer a collector’s item.

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  3. Land Phil says:

    He didn’t even leave any money or a Best Buy gift card? Weak sauce.

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  4. El Vigilante says:

    Hammerpress? Damn. Rob Neyer has great taste. Just another reason to love him (and KC).

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  5. Danny Knobgobbler says:

    If I didn’t know any better I would have assumed that envelope was opened with a soup bone.

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  6. Meyer Wolfsheim says:

    Yeah, but Rob Neyer never made love with Marilyn Monroe.

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  7. RA Rowe says:

    Classic anorexic DiMaggio stamp.

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  8. Dave Barker says:

    Many years ago, I once saw an inebriated Rob Neyer run on stage at a Sleater-Kinney concert. He performed a 30 second air-guitar solo, then nervously handed Carrie Brownstein a note from his pocket. She read it and slapped him, then kissed him passionately. The band thanked him in the liner notes of their second album. True story.

    P.S. Not a true story.

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  9. Matt says:

    Rob Neyer is the American Dream.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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