Recommended: Sitting in the Shade and Drinking

Salt River Field: Just one example of where you can sit in the shade while also drinking.

A recent study conducted by the author at Salt River Field in Scottsdale, Arizona, reveals that SITTING IN THE SHADE AND DRINKING is a wonderful pastime worthy of our attention.

Aggrieved by winter? Try SITTING IN THE SHADE AND DRINKING. Like at a mostly unimportant spring-training game between the Angels and Rockies, for example.

SITTING IN THE SHADE AND DRINKING has been proven — in no fewer than one test case involving the actual person writing these words — has been proven to create pleasure on the inside part of a person for upwards of four hours.

Don’t care for/don’t have access to alcohol? SITTING IN THE SHADE AND NOT DRINKING is also an entirely pleasant activity.

That said, SITTING IN THE SHADE AND DRINKING remains nonpareil in terms of one’s pursuit of happiness.

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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.

15 Responses to “Recommended: Sitting in the Shade and Drinking”

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  1. AynRand'ssocialsecurity# says:

    I’ve tried sitting in the sun and denying oneself beverages. Not a big fan so I guess I’ll give this a try.

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  2. ljc says:

    I want to endorse this, but it’s below freezing in the shade where I am.

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    • novaether says:

      You should try SITTING ON YOUR COUCH AND DRINKING. I find it’s a close substitute.

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  3. Woody Barrelson says:

    Dear lord I need a drink. If only there were a holiday devoted to drinking all day

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  4. Jenstrom says:

    For those of us at home (who have legal perscription access to it) I personally recommend READING NOTGRAPHS (and other baseball content) AND TAKING ADDERALL. It’s what I’m doing right now.

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    • mac says:

      Adderall? what are you in high school? try free-basing no-doze whilst studying AND READING NOTGRAPHS.

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      • Pssh says:

        No-Doz? What are you in college? Try injecting undiluted amphetamine directly into your veins whilst slamming white lightning, chasing it with Pruno AND READING NOTGRAPHS.

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        • me says:

          Injecting undiluted amphetamine? What’re you living under a bridge? Try Sitting in the Shade and Drinking and Smoking Pot and Lovemaking and Van Halen.

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  5. scout1222 says:

    Wow, Salt River Field has a lot more seats in the shade than some of the ballparks I just visited. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I still drank in the shade, I just wasn’t able to do it while in my assigned seat. It was still pretty grand, though.

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    • We’ve had good luck at Salt River. The new Cubs Park is also quite good in that regard. Very, very pleasant, both those parks. Also quite crowded, on the other hand.

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  6. me says:

    I tried Standing in the Shade and Drinking once. Never again. Never again.

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