Rejected Melky Cabrera Headlines

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

20 Responses to “Rejected Melky Cabrera Headlines”

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  1. Leslie Knope says:

    Loose Juice Goosed! Melk-Man’s Bottles Blemished, Built Bulk Buying Bootleg Biology. Men with True Testosterone Don’t Cry Over Spilled Melk

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Velma Kelly says:

    He Had It Comin’, He Had It Comin’, He Only Had Himself to Blame

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Ron Burgundy says:

    Testosterone? It’s the Pleats. I Was About to Take These Back to the Pants Store

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. olethros says:

    Giant’s Melk Goats

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. Pic says:

    Hormonogenized and Testosterized Melk

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. orange56 says:

    Melky Boob Has Giants Ejaculating Forlornly

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. Melk’s Magic Teat Mastectomy

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  8. BC says:

    A star falls from the melky way

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  9. Semi Pro says:

    Puns make my eyes and ears bleed.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  10. Smooth says:

    Melky Discharge

    +7 Vote -1 Vote +1

  11. Kev says:

    Melky Cabrera: The Lingering Dingleberry on the MLB’s Anus.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  12. deadhead says:

    Melky Cabrera butt fucks the gigantic, fucking asshole known as Bob Costas on live tv to the chagrin of no one. Also, he got suspended for a drug violation and has to sit 50 games.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  13. Big Daddy V says:

    Dopers: Faulted Melk Balls

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  14. reillocity says:

    You’re clearly melking this story for all it is worth, Blachman.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  15. JayAre says:

    Something something Muscle Melk

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  16. Uh Oh Cordero says:

    (Scape)Goat’s Melk

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  17. Zoidberg says:

    Your puns are bad, and you should feel bad!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  18. kris says:

    Breast melk.
    Or, I hear you guise like irony, so: organic hormone-free, whole melk.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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