Rejected Melky Cabrera Headlines

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Want more Hopeless Joe even after NotGraphs ends? Check out Hopeless Joe's Kickstarter campaign and join the hopeless march toward new, exclusive content. Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

20 Responses to “Rejected Melky Cabrera Headlines”

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  1. Leslie Knope says:

    Loose Juice Goosed! Melk-Man’s Bottles Blemished, Built Bulk Buying Bootleg Biology. Men with True Testosterone Don’t Cry Over Spilled Melk

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Velma Kelly says:

    He Had It Comin’, He Had It Comin’, He Only Had Himself to Blame

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Ron Burgundy says:

    Testosterone? It’s the Pleats. I Was About to Take These Back to the Pants Store

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. olethros says:

    Giant’s Melk Goats

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. Pic says:

    Hormonogenized and Testosterized Melk

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. orange56 says:

    Melky Boob Has Giants Ejaculating Forlornly

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. Melk’s Magic Teat Mastectomy

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  8. BC says:

    A star falls from the melky way

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  9. Semi Pro says:

    Puns make my eyes and ears bleed.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  10. Smooth says:

    Melky Discharge

    +7 Vote -1 Vote +1

  11. Kev says:

    Melky Cabrera: The Lingering Dingleberry on the MLB’s Anus.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  12. deadhead says:

    Melky Cabrera butt fucks the gigantic, fucking asshole known as Bob Costas on live tv to the chagrin of no one. Also, he got suspended for a drug violation and has to sit 50 games.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  13. Big Daddy V says:

    Dopers: Faulted Melk Balls

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  14. reillocity says:

    You’re clearly melking this story for all it is worth, Blachman.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  15. JayAre says:

    Something something Muscle Melk

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  16. Uh Oh Cordero says:

    (Scape)Goat’s Melk

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  17. Zoidberg says:

    Your puns are bad, and you should feel bad!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  18. kris says:

    Breast melk.
    Or, I hear you guise like irony, so: organic hormone-free, whole melk.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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