Rejected Offers For Kevin Youkilis (AL)

Now that Youk has been traded to the White Sox, I thought I’d take a look at the other offers that teams had on the table…

Orioles: Bullpen catcher / batting practice pitcher Rudy Arias.

Indians: Charles Nagy.

Tigers: Souvenir t-shirt and foam finger autographed by Justin Verlander’s niece.

Royals: Danny Duffy, Felipe Paulino, Joakim Soria, Blake Wood, and jar of elbow ligaments.

Angels: One rally monkey, deceased.

Twins: A couple of bats, balls, Danny Valencia, two hot dogs and some fries.

Yankees: Whichever team physician originally said Brett Gardner would be back from his injury in no time.

A’s: Kurt Suzuki, Daric Barton, and whatever Manny Ramirez rights we’re still holding onto.

Mariners: Naming rights for four bricks on the Safeco Field Fan Walk.

Rays: A weird wuss.

Rangers: One Chicken Express Nolan Ryan Snow Monkey. (Actual July 1st promotional giveaway.)

Blue Jays: Colby Rasmus, Brett Lawrie, and Brandon Morrow. Just kidding.

NL coming tomorrow.




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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

10 Responses to “Rejected Offers For Kevin Youkilis (AL)”

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  1. josh says:

    I’d go for the monkey

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  2. rambodiaz says:

    Seeing how the Sox season has gone, I’m thinking that the Rays trade is the one they should’ve taken.

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  3. Brendan says:

    i feel like they actually would have taken the royals offer if they ran it by the commissioner

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  4. Resolution says:

    The Rockies offered a romantic 4 night getaway in the humidor for ‘you +1′.

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  5. Ben says:

    I would have even taken the Twins offer and maybe even Cleveland’s. Nagy is still probably a better arm than Dice-K or Bard

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  6. Well-Beered Englishman says:

    My fiancee is paying a kid $5 to go to the Rangers game and get her that snow monkey.

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    • Well-Beered Englishman says:

      Note: this is actually true. It’s a 13-and-under promotion so she hired her boss’s kid.

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  7. nu? billy barooo says:

    If Youk had a full beard and dumped Brady’s sister he would have gotten much more in return.

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  8. Succesful_Troll says:

    Did Navin Vaswani give you permission to use a Blue Jays reference? If not, I suggest you change you name and leave the country, maybe the entire hemisphere.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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