Romney Picks Ryan

Over the weekend, Mitt Romney chose Paul Ryan of Wisconsin to be his running mate on the Republican ticket. I wish to make the case that Romney chose the wrong Ryan.

Paul Ryan: Wisconsin (10 electoral votes)
Nolan Ryan: Texas (38 electoral votes)

Paul Ryan: Chairs the House Budget Committee
Nolan Ryan: Owns a major league baseball team

Paul Ryan: Early jobs included camp counselor, Oscar Mayer Weinermobile driver (seriously, if Wikipedia is to be believed), mail-opening intern, and marketing consultant for a construction company owned by his relatives
Nolan Ryan: Early jobs included pitcher, pitcher, and [Edited to add: Not A] Cy Young Award-winning pitcher [but still a pretty awesome pitcher anyway].

Paul Ryan: Has won 7 elections to Congress
Nolan Ryan: Threw 7 no-hitters

Paul Ryan: One of three founders of “Young Guns” program
Nolan Ryan: Threw fastest reliably recorded pitch ever, at 100.9 MPH [if we ignore Aroldis Chapman, which whatever source I looked at did. Argh.]

Paul Ryan: Makes his own bratwurst and polish sausage
Nolan Ryan: Struck out 5,714 major league baseball players

George W. Bush on Paul Ryan: “This is a strong pick.”
George W. Bush on Nolan Ryan: “Nolan Ryan is one of the greatest pitchers of all time and an excellent role model in sports. He’s living proof that dreams do come true- for anyone with the courage and dedication to work hard to achieve their dream.”




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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.


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Zach Sanders
Member
Member
4 years 14 days ago

Should have chosen Brendan Ryan.

CajoleJuice
Guest
4 years 14 days ago

Should of*

Zach Sanders
Member
Member
4 years 14 days ago

http://public.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/couldof.html

An institution of higher learning says otherwise, sir.

Kyle
Member
4 years 14 days ago

I suppose that is correct, but I think we can all agree that WSU hardly qualifies as “an institution of higher learning.”

Zach Sanders
Member
Member
4 years 14 days ago

As someone who has attended their rival school, I’m hardly unbiased on this subject.

But, yes.

Choo
Member
4 years 14 days ago

Go Cougs!

Kyle
Member
4 years 14 days ago

Amen, Mr. Sanders.

John H
Guest
John H
4 years 14 days ago

I hope you are embarrassed for days.

Resolution
Guest
Resolution
4 years 14 days ago

You’re both stupid. It’s ‘Should if’

bluejaysstatsgeek
Member
4 years 14 days ago

No, BJ Ryan

Bobby O'Toole
Guest
Bobby O'Toole
4 years 14 days ago

Ryan never won a Cy Young Award. Either of them.

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
4 years 14 days ago

Also, I thought Aroldis Chapman had been reliably clocked at 105? Was that not certain?

Resolution
Guest
Resolution
4 years 14 days ago

Allow me to clarify:

Threw fastest reliably recorded pitch ever, by a red-blooded, blue-blooded, and (due to his overwhelming amount of patriotism) white-blooded, American, at 100.9 MPH.

Also – Mark Wholers is indeed American, red-blooded, and blue-blooded, it is the latter where he falls short and thus does not qualify for this ‘fastest pitch’ comparison.

JRM
Guest
JRM
4 years 14 days ago

Bobby and WBE are right – no Cy, and Chapman’s been clocked over 100.8 multiple times. I think Mr. Blachman owes us a refund. I expect to see the following posts elsewhere:

“Obama (via liberal lapdog media) lies and lies again about Paul Ryan’s relative qualifications.” – Michelle Malkin.

“Paul Ryan conclusively determined ‘not even best Ryan’ by Harvard scholar.” – Daily Kos.

Jeremy Blachman
Guest
Jeremy Blachman
4 years 14 days ago

The Cy Young Award mistake is inexcusable. The MPH I blame Wikipedia. Will correct the piece now. I try not to write wrong stuff. Forgive me the errors.

Toasty
Member
4 years 14 days ago

I suppose Ryan Braun is unelectable outside of Wisconsin now, eh?

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