“Royals”

[Verse 1]
I haven’t seen a pennant since my youth
When Brett and Saberhagen played (and Steve Balboni)
And Charlie Leibrandt, Hal McRae
Gubicza, Frank White, and Quisenberry

But every year’s like false hope, prospects, oops they’re getting injured
Bad trades, dumb signs, oops they’re going backwards
They don’t walk, they don’t hit homers much too.
And then they talked about Hosmer, Myers– wait, I think we’ll trade him
Mike Moustakas– wait, we’ve really played him?
Seemed the plan, another year to end right as it began

But now they write about Royals (Royals).
They’re somehow winning games,
With people who can field the ball.
A bullpen not so bad at all.
Maybe it’s just timing (timing),
A division that’s weak
And maybe they’ll win, they’ll win, they’ll win, they’ll win.
Or a long, long losing streak.

[Verse 2]
Sal Perez and Escobar
Infante, Gordon, Dyson, Cain, Billy Butler.
It’s not a lineup that strikes fear– but our pitching’s nice,
And maybe that’s what matters.

But every year’s like false hope, prospects, oops they’re getting injured
Bad trades, dumb signs, oops they’re going backwards
They don’t walk, they don’t hit homers much too.
And then they talked about Mike Montgomery– wait, I think we’ll trade him
Odorizzi– wait, we’ll trade him too, yeah
Seemed the plan, another year to end right as it began

But now they write about Royals (Royals).
They’re somehow winning games,
With people who can field the ball.
A bullpen not so bad at all.
Maybe it’s just timing (timing),
A division that’s weak
And maybe they’ll win, they’ll win, they’ll win, they’ll win.
Or a long, long losing streak.




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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.


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Naked Mole Gaetti
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Naked Mole Gaetti
2 years 7 days ago

/raises lighter
//burns hand
///puts lighter back in fanny pack

Go Royals!

#KeepNotGraphs

Turukano
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Will Smith
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Will Smith
2 years 7 days ago

Nothing about me getting traded?

Stubby Clapp
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Stubby Clapp
2 years 7 days ago
DoctorJ
Member
DoctorJ
2 years 7 days ago

The players listed in this rendition have given me confidence the Tigers will win the division.

#FireNotGraphs

ryan
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ryan
2 years 7 days ago

lorde is hot

Kris
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Kris
2 years 7 days ago

if you want to sleep with someone who has the body of a teenage girl, the death of notgraphs should free up cistulli’s schedule…

Roger Clemens
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Roger Clemens
2 years 7 days ago

I’d hit that!

stuck in a slump
Guest
stuck in a slump
2 years 6 days ago

Seeing these lyrics makes me wish that this was the song that Weird Al did instead of Foil.

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