Ruben Amaro, Jr. Likes Green, Trading Outfielders

Oh hi. I didn’t see you there. I’m Ruben Amaro, Jr. and I was just leaning on this railing, thinking about a couple of things that I really enjoy: the color green, and trading major league outfielders.

Hehehehe. Hi.

There are so many reasons why I love green: it’s “the color of spring, of renewal and rebirth. It renews and restores depleted energy.” [1] That’s why I’m wearing my green shirt today, and spending the day almost exclusively inside my Green Power Room here at Citizens Bank Park, which is powered by solar energy and compost. It gives me the confidence I need to expel old growth, and begin to look toward next spring and a new shot at winning another division title.

Some people ask me why I wear green instead of maroon, or “Phillies red.” They wonder whether I might not be confused for a section of the Marlins’ outfield wall instead of the General Manager of the Philadelphia Phillies, which I am. To them I say, as Jesus once said to someone, “I know mine and mine know me.” And then I trade mine [outfielders] for others that are not mine, hehehe, for green makes me giddy.

Plus, green makes everything pop! It makes my hair pop, it makes my khakis pop — how many colors do you know that make khakis stand out? Green does. Do my greens clash? Very well then, my greens clash. Do my greens agree with one another? They also do that, on occasion. Does my greenness offend you? I bet it does, but hey, that’s business.

But see, if you come and sit with me in my Green Power Room for an afternoon, you will be soothed: green tea smoothies abound here, the entire room is a hottub, there’s a constant subliminal drone that melts headaches away. I will send you off with a gift basket filled with leaves, flowers, Spiru-Tein, organic tubers, candles, candles, candles, and a major league outfielder.

Give me a call, I’m Ruben Amaro, Jr., and I was just standing here, leaning against this railing, thinking of some of my favorite things…

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Based on today’s trades, yeah, he likes green, all right.