Russell Martin: The Man in Half an Iron Mask, Approximately

Martin
Psycho Killer, Eustache Dauger?

For no little time now, swift-footed Rumor has maintained that Russell Martin, in addition to serving as a talented major-league catcher for nearly a decade, is also the illegitimate brother of late (predominantly 17th century) French king, Louis XIV. Indeed, photographic evidence from tonight’s Pirates-Reds game suggests that — if not the Man in the Iron Mask, per se — that Martin is at least a man in half an iron mask. And also he speaks French, is even further evidence of how he’s probably the legendary character portrayed by Leonardo DiCaprio in that one movie from that one time.




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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


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KabaModern
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KabaModern
3 years 2 months ago

I like to believe Martin is doing some sort of fist bump with the mascot on the Visa ad.

Youthful Enthusiast
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Youthful Enthusiast
3 years 2 months ago

I like to envision it as a closed-fisted smack to Mr. Redlegs’ chops.

AC of DC
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AC of DC
3 years 2 months ago

The author’s dedication to the Baz Luhrmann film poster on his wall notwithstanding, it might do to aid the audience to point out that the above-mentioned movie was only the last of several remakes of said tale, each of which was some degree of crappy, largely because it’s a pretty crappy story and is nothing more than story. And now you know.

The Return of Rambo Diaz
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The Return of Rambo Diaz
3 years 2 months ago

Your continuing inclusion of the color red in posts makes me think you’re a burgeoning communist, Comrade Cistulli.

Tim
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Tim
3 years 2 months ago

It’s not just the color. This photo advertises reds.com, which I can only assume is a Communist propaganda website.

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