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Ryan Braun Would Like Another

Posted By Robert J. Baumann On June 11, 2012 @ 2:58 pm In FranceGraphs | 7 Comments

Yeah, it’s been a tough year so far. I’ve had my pee mishandled, rumors started about me having STDs, reputation tarnished.


What’s that? Oh, uh, I’ll have the tagliatelle and a double Johnny Walker, neat.
Black Label if you have it.

I can’t even get a second look from that blond over there. It’s lunch time! I’m Ryan Braun! I hit a homerun yesterday. It was pretty cool. So it’s like come on, ladies, you know what I mean, bartender? Hey, can I get another double Jay-Dubs to go?

It’s been a rough year. We’ve been losing. Half the team is injured. I keep getting booed. I mean that’s okay: It makes me try harder. I’ve been hitting ok.


Give me a whisky that goes well with these shrimps.

The leagues got it out for me, they won’t even put me in All-Star promo stuff. I look really good when I hold a bat straight out in front of me for pics like that. Their loss. But it hurts. Yeah, it hurts a little. I should call Bud, see what’s up.

Yeah, I keep smiling, keep trying. I’ve always made it a point to do whatever I do the best it can be done. Or something like that. Do you like The Lord of the Rings? I’ve never seen it. I think maybe I should.


Um, a size giant coffee with three shots of Jameson. I’m not Irish, no….
Would you like a little Italian in you?

Oh, don’t ignore me know. Sheesh. Ok. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean it. Fine, I’ll move on.

This place is hoppin’. What a good day. I feel okay. Maybe I’ll hit another homerun tomorrow. Shrimp is full of protein, I hear.


Brewsky, please! Haha! I’m a Brewer! I wish I was a Boilermaker! Haha! Belch!

Where are my friends? Where are those who will dance with me? I don’t have an STD, no. What? Where are you going?

Perhaps I will have a small nap now. Perhaps I will take a little trip. Somewhere they will commiserate, somewhere where I will be unknown…


A nice Bordeaux, please. Bottle, not glass.


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