The FanGraphs-reading baseball nerd doesn’t just beat you, the two-time defending champion, in fantasy baseball. No, he beats you, and more; he goes that extra mile. Today, at NotGraphs, we celebrate the commitment, and considerable street and lyrical talents, of one Mike Cook.
Mr. Cook, thank you. It’s no coincidence your initials are, of course, M.C. The floor is yours …
After eliminating the two-time defending champ of our ESPN fantasy league in the playoff semis, I penned this remix of Notorious B.I.G.’s “Kick in the Door,” to let him know just how short his reign on the top was. Some of the players mentioned (Colby Lewis, Chad Billingsley, Joakim Soria) were on his team, others (Lucas Duda, Jose Bautista, Alex Avila) were on my mine, and the rest were chosen for humor or rhyme value. If you’re not familiar with the original song, go here and listen from 1:35.
Your reign on the top was short like Pedroias
As I crush so-called Colbys, Chads, and Sorias
Get in that ass, quick fast, like McNamee
Its that ball phenomenon Lucas Duda, on the computer
You got ta, call me, whimsicalcookie
In my ride, totin’ Bill James guides
Was told in matchups, stay alert, and keep streaming
Keep extra RPs for times just like these
Who’s next to flip, on that cat with the pine tar bat
The mo shady, Mo Rivera baby?
Ain’t no tellin where I may be
May see me in D.C. at Strasburg’s Homecomin
with my man @keithlaw, tweetin somethin
You should know my steelo
Went from $10 buy-in to penthouse livin’
to orgies with Stephania Bell (but strictly on the DL!)
so, Jesus, get off my Notorious
mound, before I go Braden and shove you to the ground
If the beef between us, we can settle it
With the Marcel and SIERA shit
I make it hot, like Joey Bats get
You’re delicate, you better get, who sent ya?
You still pedal shit, I got more rides than Alex Avila
Follow Mike Cook on Twitter: @whimsicalcookie.