SEO Gargantua: Jose Fernandez Bat Toss Weight-Loss Trick

Sources close to the situation — and also just the box score itself — suggest that right-hander Jose Fernandez has homered tonight off Mike Minor in the sixth inning of Miami’s game against Atlanta. Internet hysteria suggests further that Fernandez has tossed his bat aside, spit on Atlanta third baseman Chris Johnson, and stabbed Atlanta manager Fredi Gonzalez in the subclavian artery with a crudely made shiv-weapon.

Mostly by way of Jeff Sullivan’s industry, NotGraphs presents here part of what appears to have been a night full of goddamn American fists in Miami, Florida.



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chad
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chad

Chris Johnson will never live down the running behind the ump move. McCann was taking care of it so there was no need for him to be there. He just made himself look really weak in the nicest way to put it. Plus its against the Marlins just win and act like winners who cares what they do

Billy
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Billy

What a wimp. You run after a guy who showed you up and then stand behind someone and scream? Absolutely 0 respect left for Chris Johnson after that one. At least man up and get in the guys face, it’s not like the crowd got in his way, he intentionally ran behind the umpire before saying a single word to Jose.

RC
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RC

I don’t think Johnson was a wimp for getting behind the ump…I think he wanted to get a chance to yell without having any real confrontation arise from it.

That said, the boy (Johnson) need to take a Xanax or two. Just a LITTLE too high strung if you ask me.

Well-Beered Englishman
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Well-Beered Englishman

This whole thing was uncalled for and stupid. Jose Fernandez had never hit a home run before and he’s never going to hit one again, probably, or not for a few years. Why isn’t he allowed to watch it? He’d never seen that happen before after a swing he took.

I know if I homered in the major leagues I’d turn to Brian McCann and go “holy shit did you see that?! Did that just happen?!? You sir are buying me a pint.”

Wil
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Wil

I don’t think they were mad about the HR thing, I think they were mad because he spit at CJ as he rounded third.

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