Seriously, What’s the Mets’ Problem?

Do you want to know why people make fun of the Mets? Here’s why people make fun of the Mets:

In a nutshell:

1)  Mookie Wilson is not a pitcher.

2) Pitchers do not pitch like that, Mookie Wilson.

3) Keith Hernandez is not a catcher. He’s Keith Hernandez.

4) Neither of them bothers to explain to The Count that he only is allowed three strikes.

5) They also neglect to tell him that the point of swinging the bat is to hit the baseball, and that in service of this goal, he could count the number of times he hits it, which would satisfy both his obsessive need to count things and his team’s need to be better than the Mets

6) Fear of bats.

No wonder neither of them became successful major league coaches. Oh well, at least they fare better than Sluggo The Great, who seems to be a Padre or something, and who literally couldn’t find his ass with both hands:

This has been Things I Found While Searching For Sesame Street Videos For My Kids To Watch On YouTube

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Mike Bates used to have a stupid pseudonym. Now he doesn't because people want to pay him to write about baseball on the Internet and he's really a sell out that way. He is also a Designated Columnist at SBNation, co-founder of The Platoon Advantage, and is an American Carpetbagger on Getting Blanked, the finest in Canadian baseball-type sites. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter here:

6 Responses to “Seriously, What’s the Mets’ Problem?”

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  1. Demis Valdes says:

    I love bats, hahahahaha

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  2. D says:

    So it’s the Mets fault for a poor script?

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  3. The Return of Rambo Diaz says:

    Further proof that everyone did cocaine in the 1980s.

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  4. Jenstrom says:

    “…couldn’t find his ass with both hands.” Classic. And did you catch that Sluggo was wearing a wedding ring? Imagine what sex with that guy is like.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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