Shorter Baseball Columnists!

It’s time for another installment of “Shorter Baseball Columnists,” in which we read mainstream baseball columnists and marginalized bloggers like Murray Chass so you don’t have to! Let us begin!

Shorter Mike Lupica: The Yankees won’t win the World Series unless they do.

Shorter Kevin Kernan: Derek Jeter has confirmed that the Yankees would like to win the division.

Shorter Bill Plaschke: Televising the Little League World Series is bad for children. With that said, it would be fine if they televised it on the hit program, “ABC’s Wide World of Sports.”

Shorter Gregg Doyel: The MLBPA should defend only players I like.

Shorter Jim Souhan: Not many have the guts to say this, but the Tigers are better than the Twins.

Shorter Joe Cowley: I have decided to accept Starlin Castro’s apology.

The “Shorter” approach to Internetty commentary traces back, as best as one can tell, to Daniel Davies.

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Bill Plaschke’s premise is that a) emotions are bad, and b) they don’t exist if I can’t see them.

I love it.