Shorter Baseball Columnists!

Introducing “Shorter Baseball Columnists,” in which we read mainstream baseball columnists and marginalized bloggers like Murray Chass so you don’t have to! Let us begin!

Shorter Jon Heyman: The Giants are upset about Buster Posey’s injury and would like to see some rule changes. That won’t happen. Also, Pablo Sandoval is on The Twitter.

Shorter Murray Chass: In some ways, Carlos Santana — the guitarist, not the catcher — is like Pete Rose. In other ways, they’re really not that similar.

Shorter Dan Shaughnessy: It occurs to me that there are some random, unconnected and perhaps meaningless connections between the Red Sox and Cubs. Fortunately, these connections are sufficient in number to last an entire column.

Shorter Wallace Matthews: Bartolo Colon has been good this season. But when he sits around the house, he really sits around the house. Know what I mean?

Shorter Bill Conlin: I recently received some stupid emails about the Phillies.

Shorter Bill Plaschke: I refuse to stop talking about the Lakers.

Shorter T.J. Simers: Don Mattingly sucks.

The “Shorter” approach to Internetty commentary traces back, as best as one can tell, to Daniel Davies.

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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.

13 Responses to “Shorter Baseball Columnists!”

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  1. Mr. Met says:

    Can this please become a regular feature?

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  2. Kool says:

    He’s not on Twitter anymore :(

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  3. Kaufmak says:

    best. feature. ever.

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  4. The only downside to this, Dayn, is I’m forced to imagine you reading all these articles.

    It’s not the HIGHEST form of martyrdom, but it’s not inconsequential, either.

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  5. WTF? says:

    You Bill Conlin entry was missing: “When I’m king of the world…….”

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  6. Not Jason Whilock says:

    Damn thing got done

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  7. Mike B. says:

    The Jawas of the baseball world, indeed. Well done.

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  8. christina says:

    I thought this was going to be about Ken Rosenthal.

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  9. ThomasTSKH says:

    The Jon Heyman one didn’t make mention of Luis Castillo, so I know you didn’t read it. (NOTE: I didn’t read it)

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