Singles of Northwest Arkansas, Meet Your Finely Named Dates for This Weekend

The Northwest Arkansas Naturals are more than just the AA affiliate for the Kansas City Royals; they are also perhaps the finest source of boyfriend material in the Ozarks.

Today, the Naturals present two sensuous and aptly named young men for the consideration of area singles: Sugar Ray Marimon (who starts tonight’s games vs. Midland), a native of Cartagena, Colombia, and Brooks Pounders, a right-handed reliever from Temecula, California.

First, let’s get to know Sugar Ray…

Ellos no me llaman “Sugar Ray” sin raz√≥n, muchachas. ;-)

On his ideal first date:

Me? I like pizza. It makes a first date easy because everyone likes pizza. When you are eating pizza, you cannot be false, you show your real person without thinking about it. Pizza is really hard to be bad, too. Even bad cooks make okay pizza, so you will not be disappointed with your meal on a first date. Or maybe, if the pizza is really really bad, you can say with your date, “This is amazingly bad pizza. I never had pizza this bad. I didn’t think it could happen.” Then, smooch smooch.

On his ideal partner:

They have to like baseball. They have to like arepas and David Letterman. If you like Jay Leno, don’t. No.

Most important, first thing, is to ask questions and be funny. Every day I have to laugh at my name. Everywhere I go I laugh at myself. A person should laugh at themselves and make me laugh, and then we can have fun all night and maybe longer.

On whether “Sugar Ray” is his given name (displaying ribald wit):

It’s all over the internet, so it must be.

Now, let’s meet Brooks.

Hahaha, shit.

On what he does on his typical day off in Northwest Arkansas:

Haha, loaded question, in that it’s probably not going to make me sound very attractive. But basically, I’ll play video games with teammates, maybe we’ll order a party sub. But I need some time to myself every day. A lot of nights I’ll just walk a few miles alone to the Harps [grocery store] and walk around there alone. Maybe I’ll buy an apple or something — apples are good for walking and being alone.

But as far as excitement, I’m much more of a low-key guy. I never win in Mario Kart because I’m too relaxed, I think. I think if a person needs a lot of excitement they wouldn’t want to date me; but if they like walking and eating apples — and if they can do both at the same time — then we’d have a nice time.

On what it’s like, having his name:

People have always teased me about it. I’ve always been a little pudgy, so people have always said crap like “Brooks ‘Quarter’ Pounders” or whatever. It doesn’t bother me because it’s also a really cool name for a pitcher — like I’m pounding the strike zone or something. I do try to live up to my name in that regard, haha. Pounding the competition.

Sometimes I think to myself that two things are inevitable about me: I’m going to be a little pudgy, and I’m going to pitch. I’ve got a good name.

Singles of Northwest Arkansas, play your cards right!

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I think that’s what Hall-of-Famer Brooks Robinson called his road girls.