Fake Sitcom Pitches for MLB Network

MLB Network should have a night of sitcoms. I’ve done them a favor and come up with some ideas. Vote for your favorites and for anything that gets a substantial number of votes, I’ll write up a whole ridiculous treatment with some episode summaries and a sample scene or two. It’ll be fun. And silly. If you have better ideas than the ones in the poll below, add your own answers!




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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

30 Responses to “Fake Sitcom Pitches for MLB Network”

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  1. Jamee says:

    Pretty sure the Red Sox will have a sitcom called “How I Met Your Manager” before too long.

    +5 Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Lucas says:

    Maddon’s Men: a look inside the stylish life of the Tampa Bay Rays.

    +14 Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Jack says:

    SeinFuld: A sitcom about Sam Fuld doing nothing.

    +27 Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. Resolution says:

    Whichever sitcom is going to feature the most zombies and sexy women is my suggestion.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • MTUCache says:

      So, like a mash-up of “The Walking De Aza” and “Jason Bay Watch”, eh?

      I like it… needs some Ozzie Guillen flavor though.

      +6 Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. Choo says:

    Dude, the Will and Grace show could be high-larious in a Perfect Strangers sort of way.

    GRACE, hair disheveled wearing only boxer shorts, standing in kitchen, dumps box of cereal into bowl as…

    WILL excitedly enters room holding shotgun, wearing full camo: “I thought about what you said last night, Gracey, and you are a genius.”

    Camera changes to nonchalant GRACE pouring two cans beer into his cereal bowl (some genius!).

    WILL shakes head, “Anyway, you are right. Shooting a few wild pigs is exactly what we need to get out of our slump. Let’s go hunting”!

    GRACE, with mouthful of cereal/beer, mumbles something like: “Banging.”

    WILL, in motherly tone: “Gracey, you know it’s impolite to talk with your mouth full.”

    GRACE, mouth no longer full: “Will, I said we should go BANG a few wild pigs.”

    WILL: “Gracey, a true outdoorsman would never say ‘bang’ ha ha, but bang, shoot, what’s the diff-”

    FAT GIRL #1 scantily enters room, walks up to GRACE, kisses him on cheek: “Thanks for last night, Marky. Did you have as much fun as I did?”

    GRACE: “Tons.”

    FAT GIRL #2 enters room.

    GRACE: “Two Tons to be exact.”

    WILL: “Gracey!”

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. debater12 says:

    Giancarlo and Molly

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. jaw says:

    2 Broke Hurlers (starring Mark Prior and Chris Carpenter)

    Mike Adams’ Family

    M*A*S*H (starring Mark Reynolds and Adam Dunn)

    My Two Vlads (Starring Vladimir Guerro and Vladimir Nunez)

    Frasor

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • steex says:

      Let me be the first, then, to pitch AfterMASH – a show about Mark Reynolds and Adam Dunn farting around the house after they are no longer able to take walks or hit homers.

      Vote -1 Vote +1

  8. steex says:

    In addition to voting for some of those shown here, I propose The Matthew Cody Moore Show.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  9. Resolution says:

    Miami Price

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  10. agam22 says:

    It’s not a sitcom, but I think they need some sketch comedy as well.

    The Kids in the Bill Hall

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  11. Choo says:

    The Hitless Wonder Years, starring the Seattle Mariners circa 2010-2015 who, like Fred Savage, never quite get to second base.

    Eight is Not Enough, starring Bobby Valentine and the Boston Red Sox bullpen.

    Elijah Dukes of Hazzard, rated M for Mature.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  12. ettin says:

    Malholm in the Middle

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  13. Park Factors and Recreation.

    +6 Vote -1 Vote +1

  14. Well-Beered Englishman says:

    “Pinstripe Pajamas” tracks the wacky hijinks of three All-Star infielders who are forced to move in to the same New York apartment together. As they discover comical clashes in personalities, try to win the hearts of the same two girls by pulling serious but not malicious pranks on each other, and compete for the affection of upstairs neighbor Jeremy Lin, the three infielders learn valuable lessons about love, companionship, and how loud the party can get before somebody complains.

    Featuring Becki Newton as the hard-to-get girl who thinks she’s above all of them, John C. McGinley as the tough-as-nails landlord, and, beginning in season two, Fred Willard as the shortstop’s live-in deadbeat father.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  15. Jeremy Blachman says:

    I really like a lot of these.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  16. PrettyRicky says:

    Mad Nenn: Either Rob Nenn ranting about things in talk-show format, or Rob Nenn as a suave, womanizing 60s man with a secret.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  17. DavidJ says:

    The Front Office

    Now that he’s moved to Colorado, Michael Scott gets a job with the Rockies.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  18. Zio Fani says:

    Welcome Back Kottaras, The Beverly (Aaron) Hill-billies, Sanford and (Tommy Han) Son, The Roland Office, South (Chan Ho) Park, Full (J.R.) House

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  19. steex says:

    You might also consider pitching a morning show called “Tabata Mornin’.”

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  20. Jake says:

    Two and a Half Nen
    The Fresh Prince Fielder of Bel-Air
    S*** Ozzie Guillen Says
    The Big Hurt Theory
    Pronk in Cleveland

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  21. deadhead says:

    Welcome Back, Kottaras – Former back up catcher, George Kottaras returns to his old team, only this time, he is the full time back stop. He tries to impart life lessons on the teams rambunctious rookies with his quick wit and Catskills style sense of humor. The manager, who doesn’t like catchers or rookies (and especially rookie catchers!) does all he can to undermine George but to no avail. The wise cracks and “catch”phrases fly non stop in this throw back to the 70s.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  22. olethros says:

    Sex in the Cities, starring Derek Jeter and Starlin Castro

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  23. willmc1366 says:

    Molinas!

    the three molina brothers are forced to live together in an apartment

    hilarity, obviously, ensues

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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