Some suggestions for never-before-used home run calls

Blargh

If you’re weary of the usual fare when it comes to broadcaster’s home run calls (i.e., “Back, back, back, gone!” or “Golly toots, a long potato!”), then please do consider encouraging your local mic-wielder to take some of the following suggestions for a test drive.

For instance, when a fair-hit ball clears fencing, the announcer might exclaim …

– “This all-you-can-eat seafood buffet just got pregnant!”

– “Are you ready for some football?!”

– “Go find a new a new grandpa, kid, because the one you know and love just got slaughtered!”

– “RBI, Brandon Phillips!”

– “Torquemada’s biscuits!”

– “King Kong’s ding dong!”

– “Donald Sutherland’s panties!”

– “Last night, I drank alone in the dark, just as my father did!”

– “The vicar died clutching not his rosary, but rather his secrets!”

Or …

– “Hand over your badge and service revolver, O’Boyle. You’re on unpaid leave as of this moment!”

Thank you for your measured consideration.




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


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Brian
Guest
Brian
2 years 11 months ago

Am I alone in thinking that “King Kong’s ding dong” sounds like it could be a real one?

Bryz
Guest
2 years 11 months ago

That was easily my favorite.

Mr. Observant
Guest
Mr. Observant
2 years 11 months ago

Sweet tits of Tayna, but that is one fine Perry-ism. All that, and it rhymes, too! Amazin’!

RC
Guest
RC
2 years 11 months ago

I had a mouthful of soda as I read that one. My keyboard and computer screen flirted with near tragedy.

Bryz
Guest
2 years 11 months ago

Was it RC Cola, Mr. RC?

Mr. Observant
Guest
Mr. Observant
2 years 11 months ago

I had this thought, too! RC Cola, soda of choice during ANY recession or economic malaise brought on by godlessness and Obamacare.

a Troll
Guest
a Troll
2 years 11 months ago

– “Knights of Columbus!!”

Jesse Pinkman
Guest
Jesse Pinkman
2 years 11 months ago

Lou Merloni is doing Red Sox games last week and this week. He says pretty absurd things regularly. Maybe a collective effort can get this done.

No Anchovies Please
Guest
No Anchovies Please
2 years 11 months ago

That bowling ball. It’s my wife!!

BenRevereDoesSteroids
Member
BenRevereDoesSteroids
2 years 11 months ago

*While pointing at the pitcher* “Eugenics really makes the case!”

Eugene Nicks
Guest
Eugene Nicks
2 years 11 months ago

What the hell do I have to do with this?

Robert J. Baumann
Member
Member
2 years 11 months ago

I, for one, never tire of hearing, “Golly toots, a long potato!”

(Esp. re: my dong.)

Resolution
Guest
Resolution
2 years 11 months ago

“That runaway freight-train is headed right for the children’s hospital!”

“Is it just me, or is she cute in a kind of ugly way?!”

“That bourbon just sourmashed!”

“GWAR!”

Robert J. Baumann
Member
Member
2 years 11 months ago

“GWAR!” is excellent.

Resolution
Guest
Resolution
2 years 11 months ago

True words, Robert. True words. Might I add – excellent in this context, in any context, and every context.

Wobatus
Guest
Wobatus
2 years 11 months ago

Shave my beard and call me normal.

katy bar the door

Mr. Smooth
Guest
Mr. Smooth
2 years 11 months ago

Are we already over “stroked a dong piece?”

Iraqis for Faulkner
Guest
Iraqis for Faulkner
2 years 11 months ago

Rhinocéros!

Robert J. Baumann
Member
Member
2 years 11 months ago

If only Eugene Ionesco was a baseball announcer!

ItsTimeForDodgerBaseball
Guest
ItsTimeForDodgerBaseball
2 years 11 months ago

I would never presume to change a thing about the great Vin Scully. #GladImNotAYankeeFan #ThatGuyIsIrritating

Greg
Guest
Greg
2 years 11 months ago

I think that pretty much any dialogue from The Big Lebowski would make for a good HR call.

“That rug really tied the room together!”
“I dont roll on shabbos!”
“Shut the fuck up, Donny!”

Wobatus
Guest
Wobatus
2 years 11 months ago

Stay outta my beach community.

Grant41
Member
Grant41
2 years 11 months ago

“I hate the fucking Eagles!”

“It’s a show dog, it has papers”

“We, the royal I”

“Phones ringing dude”

“Obviously your not a golfer”

Wobatus
Guest
Wobatus
2 years 11 months ago

Gave the Dude a beeper.

I’m a brother shamus.

Coitus, the physical act of love.

Don’t be fatuous, Jeffrey.

Over the line, Smokey.

Frankly I’d love this home run call:

“Wright launches one to deep left field, Werth drifting back and GIVE THE DUDE A BEEPER! A 3-run home run by David Wright.”

Eric F
Guest
Eric F
2 years 6 months ago

“This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!!!!”

The Return of Rambo Diaz
Guest
The Return of Rambo Diaz
2 years 11 months ago

Bons mots!

or

It took four beers, but man she looks good!

Resolution
Guest
Resolution
2 years 11 months ago

Check Please! But you’re getting just the tip!

BenH
Guest
BenH
2 years 11 months ago

Having recently been made aware of that Tim and Jay running joke that you alluded to, and that no one else has mentioned, I feel like this our little joke, Dayn.

Chop Top
Guest
2 years 11 months ago

“Lick my plate you dog dick!”

yaboynate
Member
yaboynate
2 years 11 months ago

Soup’s on!

Oppo Taco
Guest
Oppo Taco
2 years 11 months ago

“Call him William Jones Clarke, ’cause he just went BoilerYARD!!”

Hitler But Sadder
Guest
Hitler But Sadder
2 years 11 months ago

Whites ONLY!

Tristan
Guest
Tristan
2 years 11 months ago

TOP SHELF; where Mama hides the Percocet!

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