Songs to Which Brady Aiken Was Possibly Conceived

The Houston Astros’ first pick in the 2014 draft, and the first overall pick of said draft, was left-handed pitcher Brady Aiken. This is a picture of Brady Aiken.


Since Brady Aiken is 17 years old, and since this is a picture of Brady Aiken, it stands to reason that this is a picture of a 17-year-old. For reasons of comparison, here is an approximation of what this author looked like at 17:


His “golf club salesman at Dick’s Sporting Goods” look aside, Aiken is indeed a child. But 17 is just a number. Perhaps we should use the measuring stick of popular culture to help us reason with just how young 17 is.

Brady Aiken was born in August of 1996, meaning he was conceived toward the end of 1995. Leveraging this information along with information gleaned about popular music in 1995, here are songs that Brady Aiken’s parents MIGHT have been listening to whilst making — unbeknownst to them — a future millionaire. I have ranked these in order of likelihood — least to most — in the attempt to make this even more creepy.

Possibility 1:

Possibility 2:

Possibility 3:

Possibility 4:

Possibility 5:

Print This Post

David G. Temple is the Managing Editor of TechGraphs and a contributor to FanGraphs, NotGraphs and The Hardball Times. He hosts the award-eligible podcast Stealing Home. Dayn Perry once called him a "Bible Made of Lasers." Follow him on Twitter @davidgtemple.

8 Responses to “Songs to Which Brady Aiken Was Possibly Conceived”

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
  1. Jimmy Wrench says:

    This sounds like a job for

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. mario mendoza says:


    Given the context, the first few words of #2 made me gag.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. 17 year old says:

    I was born 2 months before this guy. Oh God, this is my peer. This feeling is not good. It is not a good feeling. Nope nope nope nope nope. :(

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • Glorpo says:

      It only gets worse from there. Within a decade you’ll be older than the median NFL player, and you’ll understand what it is to hate the young.

      Vote -1 Vote +1

    • Pedro says:

      I’m technically old enough to be Brady’s father, and god damn if he isn’t seven times the man I am.

      Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. Double J says:

    Maybe Mom & Dad Aiken had a freaky streak and went with this:

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. DD says:

    HAS to be #4. Who DIDN’T have that soundtrack, or at least a mix tape with that song on it?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. Not Ed Wade says:

    He looks 30. Someone check his birth certificate like they do with the Dominicans.

    Vote -1 Vote +1