Speaking American: A First Step

albert_of_the_little_hillocks

This is America, for God’s sake. I should not have to pronounce confusing foreign names like “Nelson Cruz,” and neither should you. Therefore, I propose that we refer to each foreign ballplayer by the closest English translation of his name. As a modest service to my fellow patriots, I have taken the liberty of producing some — in this case, for a sampling of Spanish names of particular relevance. Some interpretive license was involved, and you are welcome to question my translations. Just don’t question my right to call a man whatever I damn well please, no matter how embarrassing.

Let’s make a game of this, and see if you can match these correct names with the improperly named players to whom they will henceforth belong. I’ll start you off with a few softballs.

Anthony Bastard
Jason Castle
Andrew Towers
Caesar Branches
Jesse Keys
Bartholomew Dove
Hector Random
Charles St. Anne
Sergio the Snub-Nose
Michael the Goatherd
Manny the Hammer
Joseph the Baptist
Joseph, Son of Ferdinand
Hannibal, Son of Sancho
George of the Rose
Joseph of the Country House
Danny of the Old Hall
Gerard of the Vine Bower
Wily of the High Rock
Albert of the Little Hillocks
J.P. of the Hawthorn Ford
Joseph of the Millet Fields
Joseph of the Place of the Swans
Hercules of the Broom-Field
John, Son of the Battle Elf
Yovani, Gay and Hard

Also, I just want to share that in preparing this exercise, I learned that “Pujols” is a diminutive of “Puig.”




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The Return of Rambo Diaz
Guest
The Return of Rambo Diaz
3 years 8 days ago

I thought initially this was a rebuttal of Carson’s learn-to-speak-French series.

Oh, Beepy.
Guest
Oh, Beepy.
3 years 8 days ago

That Lamborghini model sure is named strangely..

a eskpert
Guest
a eskpert
3 years 6 days ago

Interestingly, the L’s are actually silent. I don’t think it’s an at sound Italian, though, more of a guy than gay. Also, explain your strangely arousing name good sir.

Yovani, Gay and Hard
Guest
Yovani, Gay and Hard
3 years 8 days ago

.

reillocity
Guest
reillocity
3 years 8 days ago

Anthony Bastard – Antonio Bastardo

Michael the Goatherd – Miguel Cabrera

Joseph the Baptist – Jose Bautista

George of the Rose – Jorge De La Rosa

Joseph Churches – Jose Iglesias
Joseph Truth – Jose Veras

Jake
Guest
Jake
3 years 7 days ago

http://www.fighters.co.jp/team/player/detail/43.html

Open this in google chrome and have it translated. His name: Ryuji Wakatake – translation: Young Bamboo Dragon Fighters.

npc
Guest
npc
3 years 7 days ago

I like the fact that under his career stats he’s credited with “3 round eyes”.

Alexander Nevermind
Guest
Alexander Nevermind
3 years 7 days ago

Mike Naples

I don't care what anyone
Guest
I don't care what anyone
3 years 7 days ago

Jason Skip The Stain

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