Specious Marlins Uniform Image of the Day

Your Daguerreotype of the Evening is perhaps fraudulent. But this space is not a bastion of quality assurance, so we don’t much give a shit about that. All we know is that artistic renderings of Morty Klaus Robbman’s uniform have been leaked, and we are absolutely a vessel for leakages …

Geography teachers the world over refer to Florida as “America’s tired-yet-sexless pecker.” The above image has nothing to do with that fact.

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24 Responses to “Specious Marlins Uniform Image of the Day”

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  1. “Look at this shit.” — Excellent image title.

    Fucking Marlins.

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  2. Kirkwood says:

    Can’t wait to un-ironically rock one of those caps around the ol’ everywhere.

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  3. Tommy Lasordas Pasta says:

    Between the unis and the monstrosity in CF, the Marlins are obviously locking up the “Blind” demographic.

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  4. manuscript says:

    those things are more abominable than some of the worst minor league uniforms i’ve seen. that can’t be what they’re going with. that’s just lazy.

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    • Yirmiyahu says:

      I’d agree, but for the fact that the logo has already proven to be real. The logo is much worse than the overall unis.

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  5. Kool says:

    I gotta say, this definitely is bringing out a strong reaction amongst people. There is no such thing as bad publicity. Besides, the design is so fitting for the organization. I believe that in time this style will be the norm or at least we’ll get so used to the horrid-ness of it that future generations of clashing-lazy-OKC-ripoff will stem from this.

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  6. mattc says:

    I am fully on board with every design element of these newly alliterative Miami Marlins. Miami is a ridiculous place, and it deserves a ridiculous baseball team aesthetic. Yes to the goofy hat design, yes to the insane peyote trip in center field, yes to these ice cream pop-looking uniforms.

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  7. Frank says:

    Eh, they’d actually be alright without the yellow brim and piping.

    And as far as complaining about the new logo and unis, does everyone realize that the former logo was a dead marlin (poorly drawn to look like it is jumping out of water) into a large Gothic-style letter F? And there was an abundance of turquoise? And pinstripes for no discernible reason? Is anyone going to miss this?

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    • Dizzy Valance says:

      This is a good point. It’s not like the Cards are replacing the “birds on bats” with Rainbow Brite unicorns.

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  8. Jack says:

    I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

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  9. Am I to understand that they are not going to wear either white or gray at all? The baseball gods cannot be happy.

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  10. rcbuss says:

    Shouldn’t the “stick up the ass” be vertically oriented, instead of horizontally?

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  11. dave says:

    I just get a kick out of how the Marlins two World Series titles (as many as Boston and Philly have in the last century) seems tio absolutely INFURIATE so many people. Cry me a river.

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  12. SAmmy says:

    Reminds me of the Modesto Nuts Uniforms.

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  13. Greg W says:

    I must have missed the punchline. What? This is the real thing?

    Oh. OK.

    Bravo Marlins Marketing Dept.

    Taste the rainbow.

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  14. Resolution says:

    These uniforms are decidedly not ‘Pistols at Dawn’.

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  15. glassSheets says:

    I want these drawings to be 100% accurate. It would be fantastic if the socks and undershirt worn with the orange jerseys really are orange in the front and black in the back. And who wears the pants two inches above the shoes?

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  16. Matt says:

    What a second-class organization. But with Loria at the helm, who would expect anything less?

    The Miami Doucherockets sounds much better.

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  17. Jeff says:

    Now batting, Ug Lee.

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  18. juan pierre's mustache says:

    is the orange jersey designed to discourage hunters from shooting runaway marlins players in the everglades?

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  19. Thanks for the auspicious writeup. It in reality was a entertainment account it. Look advanced to more delivered agreeable from you! By the way, how could we be in contact?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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