Spotted: Soup Bones, Sans Dayn Perry


“Whither Dayn Perry?” America asks in unison.

Listeners of FanGraphs Audio will know — and not-listeners of FanGraphs Audio will be dressed down verbally beside all America’s office water coolers for not knowing — that frequent guest and 24-hour patriot Dayn Perry has made a habit, on that program, of referring to his fighting fists as “soup bones.” Among those upon whom Perry has threatened violence by way of soup bone are right-handed pitcher Roy Oswalt, FanGraphs writer Jeff Sullivan, and (if the author is remembering correctly) “all cowards.”

What concerned reader and U.S. ambassador to LOLs Les Carter has found, then, is of some note. In the photo here, submitted by same concerned reader, what we find are soup bones. What we don’t find, however, is Dayn Perry attached to one or the other end of those soup bones.

What we have here, reader, is a plot that’s thickening. At one point, there wasn’t a plot. And then there was a plot, but it was pretty thin by plot-standards. But now that same plot is thickening, like I say. After that, at this rate, it might become turgid. There might be a turgid plot in all out futures, is the point of this post.




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Kyle
Member
3 years 7 months ago

This is a gross miscarriage of truth and righteousness. If I’m to consume a liquid food prepared from vegetable stock combined with various other ingredients and often containing solid pieces, those solid pieces should very well be the oiled and thunderous fists of one Dayn Perry, and not some wimpy ass frozen and preserved fragment of spoiled animal carcass. Where the hell are we, Russia?

Resolution
Guest
Resolution
3 years 7 months ago

From his admission, Dayn is a fist-fighter, but my general impression of him seems that were he in actual combat, he would be more of an ‘American-made doorknob’ or ‘locally sourced, frozen orange’ in a tube sock kind of fighter.

Has he ever hinted at such?

Concerned Citizen
Guest
Concerned Citizen
3 years 7 months ago

If the Turgid Patriot were to have been assassinated, and his murder were to inspire a “ripped from the headlines” episode of Law & Order, who’d be the first suspect? the second suspect? the red herring? the wise crack that leads to a commercial break? and ultimately, the killer?

Also, would it be a L&O: Original flavor, L&O: SVU, or L&O: LL Cool J?

I’d imagine managing editor Dave Cameron’s murderous unblinking eyes would make him the first suspect but be let go after they find his heart of gold via a completely unnecessary, dangerous, and recreational CAT scan.

I have wasted valuable company time.

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