Spotted Tonight Alot: Umpire Tom Hallion’s Strikeout Call


The Columbia Guide to Standard American English continues to regard — or regarded in 1993, at least — the word alot as a “substandard” form of the adverbial construction a lot. The author has utilized it in the title of this post, however, as an important reminder that nearly everything in life is substandard. Like the chair, for example, in which the author is presently sitting. And like this body, for example, in which the author is trapped for life.

In nearly related news, 56-year-old umpire Tom Hallion has performed his physically demanding, if not somewhat amusing, strikeout call 24 alot of* times tonight during the Rays-Red Sox game (box) as of press time — in which “press time” is defined as the top of the 14th inning with David Ortiz getting intentionally walked.

*According to malcontent/reader Josh (below), Hallion only performs the call depicted here for called third strikes.

Hallion Slow

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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.

11 Responses to “Spotted Tonight Alot: Umpire Tom Hallion’s Strikeout Call”

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  1. Train says:

    love it

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  2. Josh says:

    While I admittedly find “alot” preferable to “a lot,” I am eager to point out that Hallion does not perform his emphatic jamboree of gesticulations for swinging strike-outs, thus the number of occurrences is less than twenty four.

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  3. JRM says:

    It is not possible to bring up the alot without an appeal to it:

    People who write “alot” are either not literate or have decided to deliberately annoy their readers. It is not hard to figure out which one of these categories The Author Above surely fits into, without fully rejecting the other hypothesis.

    (Note: I am already having a bad internet day with my severe reluctance to use emoticons or j/k or “You’re stupid and ugly and should be placed on an island with carnivorous spiders, LOL,” with the “LOL” indicating either that it would be funny to see you (or whoever) on the island being eaten or that the author is kidding, and I am never sure which. Anyway, I kind of give up. I bet the alot would do it better.)

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    • Rob says:

      Damnit. I saw this article and the first thing I thought of was the mythical Alot. I’m a little bummed someone beat me to the punch on the link, but I’ll give you props for your excellent taste in humor.

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    • Gyre says:

      the LOL at the end is to leave you puzzled, so that you don’t get angry and inflict damage

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  4. Matt says:

    I think he can still improve that, as he finishes in a near-perfect position to wave the batter goodbye by emulating President Skroob from Spaceballs.

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  5. Gyre says:

    Keeps him in shape for gettin in front of angry batters

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  6. matt w says:

    Post title misspells “Enrico Palazzo.”

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