Spotted Tonight Alot: Umpire Tom Hallion’s Strikeout Call

Hallion

The Columbia Guide to Standard American English continues to regard — or regarded in 1993, at least — the word alot as a “substandard” form of the adverbial construction a lot. The author has utilized it in the title of this post, however, as an important reminder that nearly everything in life is substandard. Like the chair, for example, in which the author is presently sitting. And like this body, for example, in which the author is trapped for life.

In nearly related news, 56-year-old umpire Tom Hallion has performed his physically demanding, if not somewhat amusing, strikeout call 24 alot of* times tonight during the Rays-Red Sox game (box) as of press time — in which “press time” is defined as the top of the 14th inning with David Ortiz getting intentionally walked.

*According to malcontent/reader Josh (below), Hallion only performs the call depicted here for called third strikes.

Hallion Slow




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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


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Train
Guest
Train
3 years 18 days ago

love it

Josh
Guest
3 years 18 days ago

While I admittedly find “alot” preferable to “a lot,” I am eager to point out that Hallion does not perform his emphatic jamboree of gesticulations for swinging strike-outs, thus the number of occurrences is less than twenty four.

JRM
Guest
JRM
3 years 18 days ago

It is not possible to bring up the alot without an appeal to it:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

People who write “alot” are either not literate or have decided to deliberately annoy their readers. It is not hard to figure out which one of these categories The Author Above surely fits into, without fully rejecting the other hypothesis.

(Note: I am already having a bad internet day with my severe reluctance to use emoticons or j/k or “You’re stupid and ugly and should be placed on an island with carnivorous spiders, LOL,” with the “LOL” indicating either that it would be funny to see you (or whoever) on the island being eaten or that the author is kidding, and I am never sure which. Anyway, I kind of give up. I bet the alot would do it better.)

Rob
Guest
Rob
3 years 18 days ago

Damnit. I saw this article and the first thing I thought of was the mythical Alot. I’m a little bummed someone beat me to the punch on the link, but I’ll give you props for your excellent taste in humor.

Blastings!
Guest
3 years 18 days ago

As a fan of spelling and grammar, you should know that it’s “dammit,” not “damnit,” dammit.

Gyre
Guest
Gyre
3 years 18 days ago

the LOL at the end is to leave you puzzled, so that you don’t get angry and inflict damage

Matt
Guest
Matt
3 years 18 days ago

I think he can still improve that, as he finishes in a near-perfect position to wave the batter goodbye by emulating President Skroob from Spaceballs. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13FcmlAZEAc

Gyre
Guest
Gyre
3 years 18 days ago

Keeps him in shape for gettin in front of angry batters

matt w
Guest
matt w
3 years 18 days ago

Post title misspells “Enrico Palazzo.”

Kyle
Member
3 years 18 days ago

What a knob.

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