Stories Besides Mickey Storey That Ought to Be DFA’d

For the second or maybe fifth time this offseason, right-handed reliever Mickey Storey was designated for assignment by one or another team — in this case, to create room on Houston’s 40-man roster for newly signed first baseman Carlos Pena.

It’s understandable from the Astros’ perspective, but it’s a bit of the tough break for Storey, who posted a 2.99 SIERA and 99 xFIP- in 30.1 innings this season for Houston.

In point of fact, there are a number of stories that probably ought to be DFA’d before Storey himself. Here are three very strong candidates, for instance.

1. Mickey Blue Eyes, Dir. Kelly Makin
Makin actually appears to have directed some Kids in the Hall episodes — so his oeuvre has some decidedly high points, as well — but this Hugh Grant vehicle, in which said Englishman marries into a mafia family, represents the only film ever to compel the easily entertained author to leave a theater.

2. Ulysses, James Joyce
True fact: in certain countries, reading Ulysses is a form of state-mandated punishment. Or, I mean, it probably is. Who can really tell, right?

3. Mein Kampf, Adolf Hitler
The German state of Bavaria has copyright ownership of Hitler’s autobiographical screed for about three more years, and they’re using the opportunity to publish a final, authoritative edition of the text to reveal not simply the extent of evil present therein, but also how poorly written and laborious the book is.

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Illinois glass M. Michael Sheets
Illinois glass M. Michael Sheets

So, you’re currently in a theater? Or do you warn the establishment in advance that you will not leave until they play “Mickey Blue Eyes” for you?

“The Day After Tomorrow” is the only movie which has compelled me to leave the theater while the movie had yet to finish. “The Postman” earns that designation for the wife.

Patrick Dubuque

I walked out of “All Dogs Go To Heaven”. I was eight. Spent the last twenty minutes hanging out in the lobby watching the Pac-Man demo screen in the arcade. Never regretted it.

Pointless Ponderer
Pointless Ponderer

I walked out of The Mask mid weird dancing/shootout scene with the cops.. only because the projector was broke though.