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Stories Besides Mickey Storey That Ought to Be DFA’d

For the second or maybe fifth time this offseason, right-handed reliever Mickey Storey was designated for assignment by one or another team — in this case, to create room on Houston’s 40-man roster for newly signed first baseman Carlos Pena.

It’s understandable from the Astros’ perspective, but it’s a bit of the tough break for Storey, who posted a 2.99 SIERA and 99 xFIP- in 30.1 innings this season for Houston.

In point of fact, there are a number of stories that probably ought to be DFA’d before Storey himself. Here are three very strong candidates, for instance.

1. Mickey Blue Eyes, Dir. Kelly Makin
Makin actually appears to have directed some Kids in the Hall episodes — so his oeuvre has some decidedly high points, as well — but this Hugh Grant vehicle, in which said Englishman marries into a mafia family, represents the only film ever to compel the easily entertained author to leave a theater.

2. Ulysses, James Joyce
True fact: in certain countries, reading Ulysses is a form of state-mandated punishment. Or, I mean, it probably is. Who can really tell, right?

3. Mein Kampf, Adolf Hitler
The German state of Bavaria has copyright ownership of Hitler’s autobiographical screed for about three more years, and they’re using the opportunity to publish a final, authoritative edition of the text to reveal not simply the extent of evil present therein, but also how poorly written and laborious the book is.