Stupid Photo Essay: The Brandon Allen Home Run

Everyone who’s anyone knows that photo essays are preferable to real-live essays, on account of they (i.e. photo essays) demand considerably less of both the writer and reader.

It’s with that in mind that we present this, a photo essay of Brandon Allen’s upper-deck home run (video) at Yankee Stadium from Tuesday night.

1. Brandon Allen faces, and makes loud contact off of, one of the few players in the league with a larger body mass than himself.

2. The ball, having been struck, finds its way to, like, the fourth or seventh deck of Yankee Stadium.

3. Allen’s teammates are awed by capital-B Beauty.

4. Allen is unmoved by his achievement.

5. All those in attendance are killed by supernatural electricity.




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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


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Danmay
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Danmay
5 years 4 days ago

You forgot the photo where everyone is disappointed when the second home run only hits the second deck; but since everyone has already been killed (according to your recollection) I suppose I imagined the second one.

Nate
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Nate
5 years 4 days ago

More Photo Essays in the future please.

Resolution
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Resolution
5 years 3 days ago

You may want to petition Mr. Allen rather than Mr. Cistulli with this request as 1. While Mr. Cistulli stirred the pot, it was Mr. Allen who ethically sourced, cleaned, chopped, and ‘seasoned just right’ all of the ingredients and 2. the point of the photo essay is to ask less of the author…

Unless of course Mr. Allen is an avid and loyal reader of this fine blog, at which point I add: More Photo Essays in the future please.

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