Submit Questions for Likely Disappointing Dayn Perry Podcast

Dayn Noose

Dayn Perry and I are recording his clearly absurd (and now, it appears, semi-weekly) podcast appearance at 1pm ET tomorrow (Wednesday).

Feel free to submit questions for Perry — whose days on Earth on very clearly numbered — in the comment section below.



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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


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marklxndr
Guest

From Ken Jennings:

“Fuck, marry or kill? Inspector Clouseau, Inspector Gadget, Inspector Javert.”

FailedState
Guest
FailedState

Inspetor Clouseau<Inspector Sophie Neveu of Pulitzer Prize winning novel Da Vinci Code fame.

Dirty Gaby Sanchez
Guest
Dirty Gaby Sanchez

Dayn and Carson,
Please make your guesses as to how many times the “Question Time” sound clip will be played.

Chris Cwik
Member
Member

Dayn, you’re playing the part of Dorothy on your way to see the Wizard of Oz. What three other people accompany you on your journey, and what do you, and your partners, ask the wizard for when you arrive?

I will gladly offer up Cistulli as one of your companions if you don’t feel like using your brain.

Love you both.

Mike Bates
Member

Dayn, which current MLB general manager would you nominate to become Bishop of Rome?

Mike Bates
Member

A second question, if I may, Dayn, of a personal nature. The cafeteria where I work is making festive, heart-shaped, frosted sugar cookies with sprinkles this week and selling them for $1.50 each. I have budgeted $30 for lunch this week. Approximately how much of my budget should I spend on nutritious food stuffs and how much of it should I spend on delicious cookies which I will most definitely not be sharing with my co-workers?

Big Jgke
Member
Big Jgke

Dayn,

Canada has been ‘celebrating’ the bicentennial of the War of 1812 for the last yea

Big Jgke
Member
Big Jgke

r, do you have anything to add to these celebrations?

War2d2
Guest

Dayn, which is better: To drive your enemies before you, or to hear the lamentations of their women?

too saucey
Guest
too saucey

Yes!! This one!

The Return of Rambo Diaz
Guest
The Return of Rambo Diaz

Thoughts on the Pope’s resignation due to his being named in the Biogenesis Investigation?

samuelraphael
Member

Where is the most vile and disgusting place you’ve ever defecated?

How come only urinals have pucks?

Jerry Meals
Guest
Jerry Meals

Dayn, what can we do to curb the insatiable levels of gun violence on the mettlesome streets of Chicago? Thanks

Sam
Guest
Sam

Dayn,

With spring training nearing please recall when your feeling of hope was in the best shape of its life. A follow-up: after selling at the crossroads of life’s trading deadline and beginning another rebuilding phase what are you telling your fans? Daddy’s tired?

Bless you boys.

Del B. Vista
Member
Del B. Vista

North Korea claims to have detonated a “miniaturized” nuclear device. What are the Jose Altuve implications?

Benzedrine
Member
Benzedrine

Dayn,

If you can face Carson in a wrestling match, what type of match would it be? Also what finishing move will you use, if afforded the opportunity?

Thanks.

The Rural Jurickson
Guest
The Rural Jurickson

If you had a pet squid, and were obliged to name it after a philosopher, which philosopher name would you choose, and wherefore?

stockhfcrx
Member
Member
stockhfcrx

When, where, and how hard?

Steve
Guest
Steve

Dayn,
If you were a hot dog and you were starving, would you eat yourself? It’s a simple question, a baby could answer it.

Kyle
Member

Dayn,

How’s it going?

Ralph Mellish
Guest
Ralph Mellish

And what, specifically, is the it which is going?

The Return of Rambo Diaz
Guest
The Return of Rambo Diaz

Additionally, Dayn, will you still love me tomorrow?

Rachel
Guest
Rachel

Will you write me a letter of recommendation for grad school? Also, could you talk me out of going to grad school? Please and thank you.

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest

To whom it may concern:

I do not know Rachel, nor can I be certain that she is not in fact the hirsute and notorious Bradley Woodrum in disguise. However, I am well-acquainted with her internet persona, and find it a most impressive proof of her good character, her broad intellect, and her curious mind. She would be a true asset to your scholarly community.

Please reject her application forthwith, that she may be forced to leave the labyrinth of academe and find paycheck-bestowing employment. It is for her own good if not for yours.

Yours ever faithfully,
~ A well-beered Englishman nevertheless in possession of his good judgment.

Youthful Enthusiast
Guest
Youthful Enthusiast

Will the Vatican follow the lead of the BBWAA and not elect anyone Pope?

boss
Guest
boss

Canada and the United States have agreed on a one-for-one state-for-province trade. States / provinces involved must be located on the Canada / U.S. border. No prospects or cash considerations. What state and province would you like to see included in the deal? What would be the fairest deal?

shamus mcfitzy
Guest
shamus mcfitzy

We could see how committed Dayn is to exiling Carson from the country.

Paul F. Tompkins
Guest
Paul F. Tompkins

Which famous Perry (first name or last) had or has the best facial hair?

Paul F. Tompkins
Guest
Paul F. Tompkins

And will you permit Carson to now repeat a joke from my friend Anthony Jeselnik?

jcxy
Guest
jcxy

Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence. Because is she doesn’t have that…then she’s mine.

Brett
Guest
Brett

Dayn, from one non-monogamous to another, how many women is too many women?

mike
Member
mike

what the hell man?

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman

As a warning, good sir, I was banned from this podcast for asking a similar question.

Stoph
Member
Stoph

Is “Expectation the root of all heartache”?

Physical Nueton
Guest
Physical Nueton

Given the opportunity, which person, famous or otherwise, would you most like to give the famous “rock’n’roll talk’n to?”

Failedstate
Member
Member
Failedstate

With the luxury of not being judged by modern societal norms, which treasonous member of current or historical society would you most like to commit horrific forcible love upon?

tylersnotes
Member

there were recently on twitter two trending hashtags, “tell a feminist thank you” and “i need masculinism because…”.
Are there any feminists you would like to thank?
And why do you need masculinism?

Dirty Gaby Sanchez
Guest
Dirty Gaby Sanchez

Another trending hashtag is #MajorTurnOffs. Discuss.

Physical Nueton
Guest
Physical Nueton

Assume for a minute that a person who is incapable of lying has entered this discussion. Assume again that this person has just made the statement “Dayne Perry’s ‘best’ friend in the entirety of this world is in fact, one Carson Cistooly.”

How must this person, who is incapable of lying, be defining ‘best’?

jcxy
Guest
jcxy

Do you think it’s good practice to assume everyone has herpes?

e.gruver
Member
e.gruver

If an unstoppable force meets an immoveable object, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck?

jcxy
Guest
jcxy

Question time. Do you prefer vegetarian recipes that simply omit meat or recipes that are designed to be meatless from the start?

Hitler but Sadder
Guest
Hitler but Sadder

This question is for Carson: It is true they called you “Ghoulie Cistulli” in high school, for not only your sickly ghost-like appearance, but you hoarder-esque collection of 1995 feature length film Casper memorabilia?

Mouth Breather
Guest
Mouth Breather

Dayn, why is your name spelled so stupid?

Chub Lump
Guest
Chub Lump

I am a loving man who get regular beatings– both physical and mental– from ALL members of my family, please fill in the blank to help me better survive the hell that I call life:

Dear Loving Family, This Lent, I am giving up ___________________?

Nate
Guest

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Vulnerable House Wife
Guest
Vulnerable House Wife

What style of hand-to-hand combat is the most noble? Please take into consideration I am a heavy set women with small breasts.

Seitz
Guest
Seitz

How come whenever I dig a hole, there’s never enough dirt to fill it back up?

Toasty
Member

As a resident of the Chicago area on Fat Tuesday, you must have an opinion: favorite variety of pączki?

Martyn
Guest
Martyn

Do you dare eat a peach?

agam22
Guest
agam22

Why is Delmon Young?

nelson saint
Guest
nelson saint

Any last minute Valentine’s Day gift ideas? (No serviceable books, please.) Thank you.

John
Member
John

Question Time:

In what units do you measure your engagement in baseball-watching? In breast-watching?

Whence hail this world’s purest maidens?

Under the bleachers of precisely WHICH ballpark would you most like to be trapped for the duration of an April baseball game?

Is that a package of Topps in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

What will you, prostrate before your God at your time of judgment, offer to repent for your neglect of Bobby Bonilla?

Byrne
Guest
Byrne

a follow up on the Service Merchandise discussion. They did, in fact, have storefront. Correct your errors, boys.

Danny Knobgobbler
Guest
Danny Knobgobbler

Dayn,

I come to you seeking parenting advice. Recently my son, little Johnny Knobgobbler, had an addition to his second grade class – a transfer student from the middle east who refuses to participate in the Pledge of Allegiance. Johnny and his patriotic classmates have decided to take matters into their own hands by bullying the child on the playground, but I have urged him to consider a more compassionate strategy. He has refused to cooperate, calling me a traitor and insisting that “if I’m not with him, I’m against him.” How should I deal with this child?

AnthonyRizzo_jackass
Guest
AnthonyRizzo_jackass

If afforded the opportunity to write a book on any person/topic, what would you choose? Remember, this is a safe space.

Genocidal Maniac
Guest
Genocidal Maniac

Name your favorite character from The Waltons, and extrapolate.

Mandrakes on a Plane
Guest
Mandrakes on a Plane

How would you have handled the Mark Buerhle pit bull conundrum?

Pope Bent a Dick
Guest
Pope Bent a Dick

Remember, in Crocodile Dundee, when Mick says “That’s not a knife, now that’s a knife” ? That was pretty cool.

Psyduck
Member
Member
Psyduck

A while back Dayn posted a nude pic of Steve Stone which was later removed by an administrator. I was curious which administrator had it taken down and why? (indecent, threat of lawsuit etc.) Also, who got in more trouble for this, Dayn or his editor?

Barack Attack
Guest
Barack Attack

Half manbear – half pig or half man – half bearpig.

VC
Guest
VC

Do you telecommute out of fear of drone attacks? What if you run out of Goldfish?

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