Submit Questions for Likely Disappointing Dayn Perry Podcast

Dayn Noose

Dayn Perry and I are recording his clearly absurd (and now, it appears, semi-weekly) podcast appearance at 1pm ET tomorrow (Wednesday).

Feel free to submit questions for Perry — whose days on Earth on very clearly numbered — in the comment section below.




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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.


80 Responses to “Submit Questions for Likely Disappointing Dayn Perry Podcast”

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  1. marklxndr says:

    From Ken Jennings:

    “Fuck, marry or kill? Inspector Clouseau, Inspector Gadget, Inspector Javert.”

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  2. Chris Cwik says:

    Dayn, you’re playing the part of Dorothy on your way to see the Wizard of Oz. What three other people accompany you on your journey, and what do you, and your partners, ask the wizard for when you arrive?

    I will gladly offer up Cistulli as one of your companions if you don’t feel like using your brain.

    Love you both.

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  3. Mike Bates says:

    Dayn, which current MLB general manager would you nominate to become Bishop of Rome?

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  4. Mike Bates says:

    A second question, if I may, Dayn, of a personal nature. The cafeteria where I work is making festive, heart-shaped, frosted sugar cookies with sprinkles this week and selling them for $1.50 each. I have budgeted $30 for lunch this week. Approximately how much of my budget should I spend on nutritious food stuffs and how much of it should I spend on delicious cookies which I will most definitely not be sharing with my co-workers?

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  5. Big Jgke says:

    Dayn,

    Canada has been ‘celebrating’ the bicentennial of the War of 1812 for the last yea

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  6. War2d2 says:

    Dayn, which is better: To drive your enemies before you, or to hear the lamentations of their women?

    +7 Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. The Return of Rambo Diaz says:

    Thoughts on the Pope’s resignation due to his being named in the Biogenesis Investigation?

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  8. Where is the most vile and disgusting place you’ve ever defecated?

    How come only urinals have pucks?

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  9. Jerry Meals says:

    Dayn, what can we do to curb the insatiable levels of gun violence on the mettlesome streets of Chicago? Thanks

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  10. Sam says:

    Dayn,

    With spring training nearing please recall when your feeling of hope was in the best shape of its life. A follow-up: after selling at the crossroads of life’s trading deadline and beginning another rebuilding phase what are you telling your fans? Daddy’s tired?

    Bless you boys.

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  11. Del B. Vista says:

    North Korea claims to have detonated a “miniaturized” nuclear device. What are the Jose Altuve implications?

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  12. Benzedrine says:

    Dayn,

    If you can face Carson in a wrestling match, what type of match would it be? Also what finishing move will you use, if afforded the opportunity?

    Thanks.

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  13. The Rural Jurickson says:

    If you had a pet squid, and were obliged to name it after a philosopher, which philosopher name would you choose, and wherefore?

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  14. stockhfcrx says:

    When, where, and how hard?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  15. Steve says:

    Dayn,
    If you were a hot dog and you were starving, would you eat yourself? It’s a simple question, a baby could answer it.

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  16. Kyle says:

    Dayn,

    How’s it going?

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  17. Rachel says:

    Will you write me a letter of recommendation for grad school? Also, could you talk me out of going to grad school? Please and thank you.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • To whom it may concern:

      I do not know Rachel, nor can I be certain that she is not in fact the hirsute and notorious Bradley Woodrum in disguise. However, I am well-acquainted with her internet persona, and find it a most impressive proof of her good character, her broad intellect, and her curious mind. She would be a true asset to your scholarly community.

      Please reject her application forthwith, that she may be forced to leave the labyrinth of academe and find paycheck-bestowing employment. It is for her own good if not for yours.

      Yours ever faithfully,
      ~ A well-beered Englishman nevertheless in possession of his good judgment.

      Vote -1 Vote +1

  18. Youthful Enthusiast says:

    Will the Vatican follow the lead of the BBWAA and not elect anyone Pope?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  19. boss says:

    Canada and the United States have agreed on a one-for-one state-for-province trade. States / provinces involved must be located on the Canada / U.S. border. No prospects or cash considerations. What state and province would you like to see included in the deal? What would be the fairest deal?

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  20. Paul F. Tompkins says:

    Which famous Perry (first name or last) had or has the best facial hair?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  21. Brett says:

    Dayn, from one non-monogamous to another, how many women is too many women?

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  22. mike says:

    what the hell man?

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  23. Stoph says:

    Is “Expectation the root of all heartache”?

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  24. Physical Nueton says:

    Given the opportunity, which person, famous or otherwise, would you most like to give the famous “rock’n’roll talk’n to?”

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  25. Failedstate says:

    With the luxury of not being judged by modern societal norms, which treasonous member of current or historical society would you most like to commit horrific forcible love upon?

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  26. tylersnotes says:

    there were recently on twitter two trending hashtags, “tell a feminist thank you” and “i need masculinism because…”.
    Are there any feminists you would like to thank?
    And why do you need masculinism?

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  27. Physical Nueton says:

    Assume for a minute that a person who is incapable of lying has entered this discussion. Assume again that this person has just made the statement “Dayne Perry’s ‘best’ friend in the entirety of this world is in fact, one Carson Cistooly.”

    How must this person, who is incapable of lying, be defining ‘best’?

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  28. jcxy says:

    Do you think it’s good practice to assume everyone has herpes?

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  29. e.gruver says:

    If an unstoppable force meets an immoveable object, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck?

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  30. jcxy says:

    Question time. Do you prefer vegetarian recipes that simply omit meat or recipes that are designed to be meatless from the start?

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  31. Hitler but Sadder says:

    This question is for Carson: It is true they called you “Ghoulie Cistulli” in high school, for not only your sickly ghost-like appearance, but you hoarder-esque collection of 1995 feature length film Casper memorabilia?

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  32. Mouth Breather says:

    Dayn, why is your name spelled so stupid?

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  33. Chub Lump says:

    I am a loving man who get regular beatings– both physical and mental– from ALL members of my family, please fill in the blank to help me better survive the hell that I call life:

    Dear Loving Family, This Lent, I am giving up ___________________?

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  34. Nate says:

    Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  35. Vulnerable House Wife says:

    What style of hand-to-hand combat is the most noble? Please take into consideration I am a heavy set women with small breasts.

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  36. Seitz says:

    How come whenever I dig a hole, there’s never enough dirt to fill it back up?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  37. Toasty says:

    As a resident of the Chicago area on Fat Tuesday, you must have an opinion: favorite variety of pączki?

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  38. Martyn says:

    Do you dare eat a peach?

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  39. agam22 says:

    Why is Delmon Young?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  40. nelson saint says:

    Any last minute Valentine’s Day gift ideas? (No serviceable books, please.) Thank you.

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  41. John says:

    Question Time:

    In what units do you measure your engagement in baseball-watching? In breast-watching?

    Whence hail this world’s purest maidens?

    Under the bleachers of precisely WHICH ballpark would you most like to be trapped for the duration of an April baseball game?

    Is that a package of Topps in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

    What will you, prostrate before your God at your time of judgment, offer to repent for your neglect of Bobby Bonilla?

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  42. Byrne says:

    a follow up on the Service Merchandise discussion. They did, in fact, have storefront. Correct your errors, boys.

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  43. Danny Knobgobbler says:

    Dayn,

    I come to you seeking parenting advice. Recently my son, little Johnny Knobgobbler, had an addition to his second grade class – a transfer student from the middle east who refuses to participate in the Pledge of Allegiance. Johnny and his patriotic classmates have decided to take matters into their own hands by bullying the child on the playground, but I have urged him to consider a more compassionate strategy. He has refused to cooperate, calling me a traitor and insisting that “if I’m not with him, I’m against him.” How should I deal with this child?

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  44. AnthonyRizzo_jackass says:

    If afforded the opportunity to write a book on any person/topic, what would you choose? Remember, this is a safe space.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  45. Genocidal Maniac says:

    Name your favorite character from The Waltons, and extrapolate.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  46. Mandrakes on a Plane says:

    How would you have handled the Mark Buerhle pit bull conundrum?

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  47. Pope Bent a Dick says:

    Remember, in Crocodile Dundee, when Mick says “That’s not a knife, now that’s a knife” ? That was pretty cool.

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  48. Psyduck says:

    A while back Dayn posted a nude pic of Steve Stone which was later removed by an administrator. I was curious which administrator had it taken down and why? (indecent, threat of lawsuit etc.) Also, who got in more trouble for this, Dayn or his editor?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  49. Barack Attack says:

    Half manbear – half pig or half man – half bearpig.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  50. VC says:

    Do you telecommute out of fear of drone attacks? What if you run out of Goldfish?

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  51. Really Addicted 2 Drugz says:

    What hand do you jack-off with… Predominately?

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  52. Woman says:

    You two could just make noises and bang various objects together like primitive cavemen.

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  53. ElJosharino says:

    This is preposterous. I refuse to submit one damn thing.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  54. Meyer Wolfsheim says:

    Dayn, I have never seen anyone who looks like you. Having said that, can we therefore conclude that The Rock does not have AIDS?

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  55. Jackowitz says:

    The Michigan State University Classic Rock Appreciation Society wants to know – what is your favorite:
    -Musical group/artist
    -Decade
    -Household chore
    -Species conservation status

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  56. mojowo11 says:

    As a red-blooded American caricature and a devout god-fearing sonuvabitch, I’ve no doubt that you have strong opinions about Popes. And as an internet writer, I’ve no doubt that you’re excellent at semi-arbitrarily ordering things in numbered lists. That said, please rank the following Popes in as semi-arbitrary, but as strongly-opinionated, a manner as possible:

    – Pope Benedict XVI, Reigning World Champion Catholic; quitter
    – Alexander Pope, poem-smith; lived in a place called Popeswood; died 22 years younger than the age at which Benedict XVI BEGAN his pope-reign
    – John Pope, Civil War General; Union scumbag; originator of the Ryan Franklin goatee
    – Todd Van Pope-el, career .158 hitter; pitcher, mostly; began disappointing career 10 years to the day before 9/11 (never forget)

    I salute you and your attempt to answer this question without angering the Catholics and/or the teeming masses of Todd Van Poppel fanboys.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  57. L.S. says:

    If I leave here tomorrow
    Would you still remember me?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  58. Dave Barker says:

    I’ve watched more than 20 Harlem Shake videos today. Is that a problem?

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  59. Eli says:

    Dayn,

    A few years ago I purchased a copy of your fine book Winners for approximately $5 at a closeout-type store. How would you rate this buy? Also, please update us on the progress of your next book, Business and Fucking.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  60. ugglas arms says:

    Questions based on your picture above:
    Who do you like more…Melissa Etheridge or The Indigo Girls?
    What “Thats What She Said” joke were you thinking…which TWSS joke is your favorite?
    Are you hiding your soupbones because they are covered in blood?

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  61. Androgynous Andy says:

    Are you a Pat? That’s why there’s a “y” in your name, isn’t it? To throw people off the inevitable masco-feminine scent that you more than likely exude?

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  62. Jubsytime says:

    For this edition of Question Time, I would like to attempt to peer deeply into the essence of the phenomenon that has become known as Question Time. How much Question Time could a Question Time Question Time if a Question Time could Question Time Question Time?

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  63. Guy says:

    In a bed or in a chair or on the floor?

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  64. yaboynate says:

    You are in a footrace with Carson. You are twice as fast as Carson, so you give him a headstart. You finally begin running and approach Carson with the intent to pass him and win the race. As you move closer to him, however, he has also moved half as much further away from you such that you can never quite seem to catch up to him. How is it then that you are able to pass the slow-footed Carson and win the race?

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  65. ugglas arms says:

    What the hell kind of name is Dayn anyway? What parents give their child a last name for a first name and a first name for a last name?
    I bet they ment to name you Damn, as in “Damn, Perry. Why did we have a kid?” But the minimum wage data transcriptionist at the HRS typed a y instead of an a so now here we are having this rediculous discussion.

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